Lutheran???

For the past month I have been attending a Lutheran church. That is a huge change from what I spent four years attending, an Assembly of God (Pentecostal) church. It still feels kind of strange but I really like it. The service itself is pleasant, the fellow college students have shown themselves friendly and approachable, and the pastor is an intelligent person. I go to a Lutheran church, but I don't yet consider myself a Lutheran. The doctrines and service formats are a bit different from what I'm used to.

When I was getting ready to leave for college, I had actually decided I didn't want to stay in a Pentecostal church. The reason behind this is actually a bit complex and I haven't told many people about it. In the past just thinking about it was enough to give me a headache but since I've gotten out of the Pentecostal style of worship, I've felt a lot better about it.

I want to make this disclaimer first: I am not against the Pentecostal denomination. I believe they are just as saved as any other Christian denomination that preaches salvation through Jesus. I hold no ill will toward Pentecostalism or their beliefs. I do not intend to offend or upset anyone with what I write here.

You have to understand what Pentecostal worship is like. The general belief about that denomination is that the worship tends to be exuberant, with events that are claimed to be supernatural often happening. Sometimes they are, sometimes they're not. In the church I spent three years attending, that was certainly true. The typical worship segment was loud and emotional. Sometimes the singing would take up the entire service, omitting the sermon. People would shake, shout, speak in tongues. During prayer times it wasn't uncommon for people to be slain in the Spirit, which was once explained to me as a person's spirit drawing so close to God that their physical body is overwhelmed. Another explanation is that the power of God, via the Holy Spirit, is coming on a person so strong they fall back from being overwhelmed by it. This practice, by the way, doesn't appear in the Bible and thus is suspicious to many. Worship was an emotional and energetic time.

For most, anyway. Then there was me. In the four years I attended an Assembly of God church, I cried twice during worship. I don't exactly remember the reason for why I teared up the first time, although it had to do with what I felt was my calling to work as a teen youth pastor. The second was at a revival event in Oklahoma my youth group was going to. I had recently gotten into a relationship and was very nervous about it - my first time dating since high school, and also the first time since becoming a Christian. I cried harder and longer than I had in a very long time. I wanted to make sure that the relationship was part of God's plan for my life, because I take them quite seriously. Relationships aren't games, my friends.

But those two events were the exception and not the norm. Usually during worship I'd sing along, even after the same verse had been repeated five times (that's not an exaggeration). I'd stop singing when the music went into the slow, quiet mode where people were "deep in worship," as some might call it. I don't care for the quiet, slow type of music, especially not for worship. Still, when so many others were having these emotional, powerful experiences happen to them, I'd just be standing there, waiting patiently for things to move on.

And honestly, it caused a feeling of - what would the word be? Inadequacy? - in me. I saw all these things happening around me and wondered, "Why isn't this happening to me? Am I not worshiping God properly?" The assumption seemed to be that if you really worshiped God, it was possible that these amazing, supernatural experiences would happen to you. That freaked me out. I didn't like the idea of me suddenly beginning to speak in some language I don't understand, or falling to the ground under a divine power. As a Bible nerd I understood the mechanics and purpose of these things, but that didn't make me any more comfortable. For an example that makes this strikingly clear: one night at the revival event my youth group mentioned, there was a period where the evangelist who was preaching would put his hand on a person's head and pray for them. This almost always led to being slain in the spirit. Everyone in my youth group (including the youth pastors) were slain - twice. Except me. I was the only one who wouldn't even go up to the guy until afterward. Even then, the most I was comfortable with him doing was shaking my hand (which he did three times, which I've found to be amusing. To this day I contend he snuck in the prayer with those handshakes).

I've been repeatedly told the addage, "God is a gentleman." He won't force us to do anything, nor will he go where he's not wanted. This means that, if I didn't feel comfortable putting myself in a position where I could suddenly break into a new language or be slain in the Spirit, God wouldn't force it to happen. I understood that, but it put me in a frustrating catch-22: if I didn't want to put myself in a position where the supernatural could happen to me then it was alright, but that would mean I would have to refrain from "properly worshiping," which defeats the purpose of even bothering to sing!

I have raised the topic up several times over the years, and the responses have generally gone in one of two ways:

• First, people often responded by saying "Worship isn't just about the singing, it's about how you live your life." Yes, I understand that, I promise. But that doesn't really address my issue. What was I supposed to do when the music was being played? Twiddle my thumbs? Sing along and hope nothing weird happens to me?
• Others will say that people respond to God in different ways - which is true. Some are hyperactive and emotional, others are subdued and express their faith through carrying out duty. I'm the latter. Although a valid answer, it couldn't get rid of the inadequacy I felt.

Perhaps as a result of this distress, I started studying Pentecostalism more and how it relates to other denominations. In an unusual case of me esteeming tradition, I believe that the older denominations notable for their more liturgical, structured service - Catholic, Lutheran, Anglican, etc. - are closer to the truth than younger ones, since each break may correct wrong theology but also introduces error itself. I was able to look at the approximate starting dates for several denominations. Pentecostalism can trace its beginning to Los Angeles in 1906. 1906! Barely more than 100 years ago. I don't really like "new" things when it comes to spirituality. Pentecostalism formed almost 2000 years after the resurrection of Jesus. That just doesn't sound valid to me. Plus I know it's way different in style than the more traditional church types, which causes me pause. The Baptist church fares a little better, starting around 1609.

My interest turned toward the Lutheran denomination, which formed as a result of the Protestant Reformation. It's the oldest Protestant denomination (as far as I know). Although I wanted to try something closer to what had formed out of the early church, I wasn't comfortable with Catholicism. Its theology differs from my Protestant background in more ways than I liked. What I had in mind was something antique in nature: piano-led hymnals, monotone speaking, sitting and standing at predictable times, etc. However I knew it was wise to check out several churches before deciding on a single one. I resolved that once I arrived at college I would look at some of them. And part of that resolve was to stay away from Pentecostal churches, the brand that had given me grief for so long. Methodist, being closely related to Pentecostal, were also out of my list.

There were only two churches close enough that I could walk to in under a half hour: Southern Baptist and Lutheran. I liked both of them, but after praying and soul searching I settled on the Lutheran church. I think it's been a good choice. Although the doctrines are a little bit different from what I used to, overall I really feel right at home in it. I didn't know how to describe the service format, but terms like "liturgical" and "high church" are used. Yes it has a more structured form than what I've experienced for years, and does involve sitting and standing, but it's hardly lifeless. The pastor is vigorous in his preaching, though not to the point of being excitable and shouting, and the people are kind. It's a happy place, not a mundane place. The prayers are structured, but it's not terribly different from what I've seen over the years in the AG churches. There is plenty of singing, and the contemporary service I attend does use modern music. It's not hyperactive, but also not dull and boring. Many do sing along with the musicians, including myself. I don't mind singing loud enough to be heard if I know a song - this is probably one side effect of being Pentecostal for four years!

I think there is still some adjusting to this I need to do before I can comfortably call myself "Lutheran."  Right now, if asked, I would term myself "denominationless," because I don't hold to any particular one. But all in due time. This is my story so far.

Nothing in this post is intended to make any person, group, church, or denomination look bad. These are simply my personal experiences, and they do not characterize any person or group as a whole.

Yep

Definitely thinking I'm a natural born Web developer, as opposed to software engineer. But at least I understand object-oriented programming.

Reconsidering Programming

The past month has been a real time of adjustment for me. I've adjusted to the flow of things a lot, but it's come at something of a cost.

My main programming course has been Data and Program Structures. We have learned about several interesting things such as stacks, queues, linked lists, trees, and other things up to now. In theory, these things aren't all that hard for me to comprehend. In practice, I'm struggling insanely to apply them as the assignments require. This is actually quite surprising, because I've never really struggled like this with programming. Sure some things have been difficult to get my brain around, but it just seems the things we are taught in this class get in my brain, but the full concept of the things take a while to really settle with me, more time than we have. I can explain most of the things we have been taught no problem, but applying them in programming assignments just eludes me. Heck, even recursion - which honestly I don't find to be a terribly hard concept - is a pain for me to implement. If it weren't for me visiting a teacher's assistant for every assignment, I probably would have lower grades than I do now. And perhaps most ironically of all, I'm still pulling a 90-something in the class.

It's to the point that I'm actually reconsidering things a little bit. Maybe pure programming isn't the thing for me. I have at least a dash of understanding of several languages: C++, Java, and Python to name a few. I can do basic things, and some advanced stuff, with them. But once you get beyond that, I'm going to look at you with a blank stare.

My personal field of expertise has always been Web programming. If asked what my native programming language was, I'd tell you JavaScript. Which, technically is a scripting language. I can also do HTML, CSS, Ajax, PHP, and some SQL. Put simply, I'm a natural born Web developer. Which is good because it's a technical field, but not so good because these days, ten year olds are learning to make websites. Seriously, web devs are becoming a dime a dozen. That's not to say they're all good at what they do, but website construction is hardly an elite skill these days. Nonetheless, there is money to be made in this profession and I don't see myself being a software developer very much anymore. Oh sure I know Java and could brush up on the languages I've already learned but there's a certain level of technical proficiency that seems to be required to use true programming languages and right now I just don't have that. I'm trying to get that in school but it's such a challenge for me that it almost doesn't make sense. How could I be barely understanding things which are what I proclaim to be my area of expertise? Either this is just part of the process of learning things, and eventually I'll catch up and shine, or it's something that I'm simply not wired for.

Another Money Ramble

There's money to be made on the Internet. I, for one, am interested in cashing in on this. There seems to be a certain level of freedom to really pursue the things that I have a passion for. I have had my go at working a standard job and although I didn't mind having a boss to answer to, it didn't really give me much change to go after my interests.

I don't delude myself into thinking that I could make enough money over the Internet to replace having a job. Although that would be nice, the optimal for me would seem to be having a part-time job done in the morning, and then in the afternoon producing the content that I would then put on the Internet, in however way it would be done. As I've mentioned in a previous post that has to do with this, I'm something of a morning person. I have that Puritanical notion of "work first, then play," and since I'm at my sharpest in the morning, that's a good time for me to work a formal job. Then once the formal work is out of the way, I feel more free to let loose and be creative, without the worry.

Apparently there's this thing out there called "passive income," where you don't really put much effort into things besides setup. You would, say, make a website, put ads on it, and then let it automatically generate income. After several years you'd be able to retire early and suck on piña coladas on some Jamaican beach for the rest of your life. Not only is that unrealistic... that's also boring, and I can't see myself ever really wanting to do that. I am not nearly materialistic or capitalistic enough to seek that sort of lifestyle. To be honest, I don't even want to be all that rich. As far as money goes, my goal is to have enough that I can make ends meet, and also be able to buy what I want without having to worry if it will put a big dent in my checkbook. But I would love to be able to do the things I am passionate about, and make money off of them. And the things that currently are my passions can actually be done on the Internet. My desire isn't to set up some automaton that makes money for me while I sleep the days away. Rather, it's to actually be involved in the content I'm making. The stuff that will eventually make revenue are, at least in some part, stuff that I put time and effort into creating.

It seems one of the easiest, and most popular, manners of making money on the Internet is with the use of advertisements. Those things that appear on the sides, top, and/or bottom of the website that most of us tend to ignore. I guess I'm not the consumerish sort of person, because I don't think I've ever seen an ad and seriously considering buying what it was showing off. But it seems people do. That's why they're so prominent. It looks like most serious websites that aren't kept alive by donation or out of the owner's expense has advertisements on it somewhere. Even Google or Yahoo searches have text-based ads on them! This is a passive system and can be integrated into other things I do. For instance, blogging (which I will mention). Put ads on the blogs. Or my personal website. As I keep refining these and adding content, more people will check them out. This may increase the number of ads getting clicked, and for each of those clicks, a little bit of money will be paid to me.

As I said before, it seems that you can make money by keeping an active blog. From what I've read, it's not so much the blog itself that generates money. Mostly it's advertisements. A related thing would be writing posts about a product, person, company, etc., that I could get paid to do. The main way to profit from this is simply having good content on the blog, stuff that makes people want to come back and see more. My Minecraft and After Adults blogs are two examples of this. Nobody else quite writes and plays like me, so there is some original content there, and I'd sure hope it's not bad.

Related to blogging is writing. Blogging helps develop my writing skills, and shows prospective employers what kind of talent they could expect from me. People will pay me to write stuff for them! It could be a product summary, a thesis about some topic, and what have you. Then there is story writing, which I have two blogs dedicated to. I could go one step further and turn them into e-books.

Freelancing is something else I've considered getting into. I kinda dislike it because it would mean I'd have a boss to be accountable to for the duration of the job, but there is a lot more leniency in who I pick as a boss. I could focus more on the fields I'm interested in, and the commitment is only as long as the assignment. Web development and writing are the things I'm good at online, so naturally the freelancing would mostly take place in these areas.

Recently, I've started getting involved in making YouTube videos. There are people out there who record themselves playing Minecraft, upload it to YouTube, and get money from it. The main ways are advertisements and donations. My style of Minecraft is a weird mix of technical and construction, with less emphasis on adventuring and more on achieving goals. There are all sorts of things I could do. The key to doing this is making myself unique. I had an idea for something called "The Ultimate City," a settlement built in Minecraft that is as automated as possible and self-sufficient. To make a video series of this being constructed and operated definitely would count as unique. If it's been done before, I certainly haven't run across it. Actually, I tried creating this City, but then university went in high gear and time just hasn't been available. Which is a shame because several people signed up to be on the team.

Then, of course, there is the idea of actually making something not related to any of those. Not just a blog or video, but an all-out project. An example of this is a game I tried developing a browser game similar to OGame. It even had a blog devoted to it. However, it seemed to be too out of my knowledge base to be accomplished, and as a result of lack of motivation it has fallen into inactivity. As well as being a magnificent test and testament of my coding skills, it would also be a possible way to make money. The three things that come to my mind are third-party ads on the sides of the pages, purchased Premium accounts that have special in-game features, and temporary upgrades which increase the efficiency of some mechanic. If the game ever comes into being as a start-up project I intend to maintain for a long time, a donate button wouldn't hurt either.

Being the leader type, I could go one step larger and start a group or company that does something. I have flirted with the idea of starting a programming company. In addition to programmers there would also be artists, a CEO, a financial officer, and probably other roles. This is something that would require a good part, if not all, of my time.

A simple Google search shows a great many ways to make money using the Internet. The possibilities abound.

This is all about creating stuff. I have a drive to create. If I could get some magical software that netted me $2,000 a month every month then hey, I'd be happy. ($2,000 does sound like a rather low goal, but I'm a single person and not terribly materialistic.) I'd still put my time into creating stuff. Realistically, though, that's not going to happen, so I will need to utilize what I'm good at doing and have a drive for. Make stuff, build community, monetize. Enjoy life.

College Reflections

It's been exactly one month since I moved into my campus dorm. Since I have some sort of free time, I felt I should write a bit, explaining how I've come to feel over the past month.

Starting from the first day, one thing that delighted me and continues to do so: the food! Apparently my college is ranked 14th in the nation for best food, in some list or another, and it sure does live up to the number. Before I arrived on campus, my diet consisted mostly of Ramen noodles, cereal, and Pop-Tarts. This was mostly my own choice, so as not to expend too much money. But ever since the first day, at least twice I've been able to have a meal of a variety of foods. And a lot of it, as well. Trust me when I say I'm eating well here.

One of the things that has surprised me about this place is the relatively strong Christian presence. Universities are known as places where secular thinking is prominent, and people tend to lose their faith. I anticipated the place being somewhat antagonistic to faith. What I've found is pretty much the opposite. A lot of people here are Christian, with differences in how serious they are about it. It's not uncommon to hear people playing Chris Tomlin songs on their laptops. Several campus missions exist here, of which I've hooked up with Cru (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ). One of my teachers, who I assumed was a non-believer due to his strongly analytical nature, is actually a faculty advisor for one of the groups! I don't have to be as defensive about my faith as I thought I would, because several others here are at least somewhat open about it, and I've yet to hear them (or myself) get any crap because of it.

Something else I am discovering is that I'm lacking in the necessary levels of self-discipline and time management. Starting about a week ago, you could say I've been pretty busy with schoolwork. Seriously, all my time not spent in class is usually spent doing something related to school work. The reading and assignments take up lots of time, perhaps more than they need to. And I believe part of the reason they expend so much time is because I'm so easily distracted. When I'm working in front of my computer, I usually have Internet access. What's on the Internet? Facebook, Twitter, message boards, etc. So many things that, often, are more interesting than what I'm supposed to be doing at the moment. One of the skills I'm developing out of necessity is being able to say "No" when I need to concerning the Internet and distractions. It's strange, but my location does affect how easily I fall into this pattern. If I'm at my desk in my dorm, it's likely I'm gonna end up at twenty other Web sites instead of my homework. Yet put me in my floor's lobby, or perhaps a library, and I'll be much more focused.

Time management is also a pain. Part of the way I operate is that sometimes, I'll find something intriguing or a creative idea will pop into my head and even if I'm trying to do something, the excitement of this new thing will hijack that. Combine this with being wont to procrastinate if something isn't due for a few days and you get a little bit of a mess.

These two things may seem a bit strange coming from a type A personality person like myself. But I suppose that in the past, my natural intelligence allowed me to do well in school and other things without much hassle. Yet somehow university is different and that kind of thing isn't cutting it. It seems I need to (gasp!) put effort in order to do well. The purpose of university is to teach us how to think, and it seems that in some aspects my thinking skills haven't grown sufficient. But hey, that's why I'm here!

Something that I've repeatedly experienced here is near informational overload. Reading seventy pages for a week's worth of discussion? Needing to know things to the most minute detail? This is new for me. Having to sort all this out is quite the challenge.

As an introvert, I've been slow to integrate myself into any social circles. Beside my roommate, I can't say I've developed any quality friendships. I have plenty of acquaintances, but not really any friends. This is something I've been proactive about since just about the first day I've arrived. Knowing my pasts follies, one of my goals has been to get active in social groups. Loneliness is not fun. It seems my main method for getting to know people better is adding them on Facebook. Admittedly, this is something of a flawed technique as people aren't really the same online as in real life. I think what I need to do is start getting to know people on a personal level. To the college's credit, I have found most people to be receptive and kind. A lot of people are willing to engage, I just need to do so as well.

This post seems like more complaining than what I intended. I do enjoy being here. Being away from home in a setting where I can better shape myself and my lifestyle. Where I am better set to pursue my goals. With this kind of freedom comes responsibility and I am slowly developing the skills to utilize this freedom to its maximum.

Abstraction in Programming

There is a topic I've been learning in my computer science class that caught my attention recently, and I thought I'd share it with my readers. It's something called abstraction, which apparently is one of the foundational concepts of programming. It's something I've done before I even knew what it is, and now that I look back, I'm sometimes confused by it.

Abstraction is all about using something when you don't really know what it truly is. We use a symbol of some kind to represent it and use it in the program. Does that sound confusing? Let me give you a basic example.

Perhaps you know that computers think in a number system called binary, which is expressed as zeros and ones. The use of zeros and ones as symbols is a form of abstraction. The computer isn't really operating on actual zeros and ones; rather, there are electrical strengths flowing through the circuits of the machine. We represent the higher voltage with a 1, and a lower voltage with a 0. That makes it easier to understand and work with. I don't know the deep electrical mechanics of the computer, but I know how to handle zeros and ones. It's easier to think of zeros and ones than high voltages and low voltages.

We could have some fun with this. Suppose instead of using electrical currents, we utilized water streams. There could be two possible states: water flowing, or water not flowing. These could be represented by 1 and 0, respectively. Because water flows are so similar to electric current, they could be used to make huge water-based computers, although the graphics wouldn't be very nice.

Let's take this to the next level of programming. At the very base, computers operate by handling sets of zeros and ones in a specific manner programmed into their hardware. There is something called assembly language, which is very primitive and one step up from the ones and zeros. It may look something like this:

LD A, 0
INC A
LD HL, BC
RCCA
RET

Doesn't look very readable. The letters and numbers correspond to specific pairs of numbers. This is abstraction because we don't need to know the exact zeros and ones in order to make the computer operate. We just need to know this vaguely more English-like set of commands.

Take this one more step into languages which most programmers are more familiar with - Java, C++, PHP, JavaScript, and so on. They look much more like written language, even though there is a lot of mathematical appearance. These are a large leap of abstraction. Consider a FOR or WHILE loop. You don't know all the bits and bytes being moved around, but that's alright. You don't need to, you can just run these loops to make it work.

Or think of variables. They have all sorts of types and names. This is touched on in fields of math like algebra and calculus. You have a variable x. You don't know what it is but you still do stuff with it, such as solving or simplifying equations for it. In JavaScript, you might do something like this:

function showMessage(x) { alert(x); }

The function doesn't know what x is, and indeed you could throw any kind of value into it and it will work nonetheless. One example which we did recently in my CIS 300 class involved abstraction when it created an array of type T. This was part of a class definition and went something like this:

private T[] arrayName = new T[10];

It was done in C#. This is a cool example because T means that the data type could be anything the user wanted, be it int, string, long, bool, object, Thingamadoozy, or whatever! You didn't need to know what the data type was when you made the code, you could just use T as a stand-in until the data type was given.

I think that abstraction, along with the very structured hierarchy that many languages, particularly Java, show are some of the things which are catching my interest these days.

Programming Rant

This is a rant. I usually don't rant, but this is an exception.

Since I was about 12 years old, I've been involved in computer programming of some sort. At first it was HTML and CSS. I was able to put together static websites, once even using it for a math class project revolving around the Pythagorean Theorem. When I tried getting into JavaScript, the very simplistic nature of it was hard for me to grasp in terms of their usefulness. I couldn't even get the if-else statement wrapped around my brain so I gave up on it for a couple years.

About freshman or sophomore year of high school one of my friends introduced me to the programming language called Python. When I read a tutorial that led to me making my first Python program, I was amazed on how I could use it as a calculator, and more. I think in a way, Python was really the first programming language I learned. It took me back to JavaScript, which is what I've come to specialize in.

I think it was junior year of high school that we took a programming language class. For the first half it was HTML. The second half, the teacher gave the option of more HTML or JavaScript. I chose the JavaScript route and although I was hardly pleased with my final project, it nonetheless showed I knew how to use the language. My initial plans for it were too lofty which costed me a lot of time.

Then in senior year of high school, my calculus teacher also happened to be a C++ programmer. He let me borrow a textbook and get the compiler they used and I taught myself C++. In my second year of college I was taught Java, and excelled over most of the people in my class.

This semester I'm learning C# and Scratch. In my free time over the past year or so, I've been self-educating in PHP and SQL.

If you need someone who has an understanding of several languages, I'm the person you want to go to. My skills are mostly in Web development, but my Java skills aren't that shabby.

Yet for some reason, it just doesn't seem like I can get myself a job using these skills. I'm a member of oDesk and Freelancer, two sites where a person can get a short or long term job in whatever fields they are good at. In addition, companies in my area are hiring programmers. But no matter what job may be there, it seems like I'm just a little too unexperienced in one little spot. Often there is a need for someone who can use Wordpress or Joomla or whatever else is out there. I have next to no experience with those.

This is frustrating. I really want to get a job with my programming skills. I spent three years in the fast food industry and I have exactly zero desire to do anything even remotely similar to that. Sure I'm able to do other fields of work, but I'm going to school for programming. The government is essentially paying me to become a programmer.

A place on the campus had a job opening for students who wish to do programming, and I applied for that. Hopefully I'll be able to do what they require of me. I have the brain to handle the jobs they'll give me, it's simply a matter of knowing the programming languages they have us use well enough to accomplish the tasks.

Programmers make a pretty good amount of money, especially if they're full time. I've been told on numerous occasions that the entry-level pay for someone in the programming field is double what my father makes in a year, and he's been in the car part manufacturing industry for over a decade. That money is most certainly a plus and doubtlessly a small reason of why I pursue programming. But more than that, it's a passion of mine. Been one since I was 12. Something I've been brought up to believe by our otherwise faulty public education system is that we should try to get jobs doing what we love. I believe that, and it's part of my modus operandi. I want to live life doing what I love.

Another bother to me is how programming languages keep changing. Once, a dude much younger than me showed me a program he had written in Python. My computer couldn't run it, because I had an outdated version of Python installed! I mean, really? Am I that out of touch with the times? Or consider one of the more recent changes in the language PHP. It's trying to phase out mysql_* functions, something that has been relied on for years. One of the alternatives being favored is PDO, but it repeatedly gives me trouble. (Yes, I understand there's also the mysqli library. Perhaps I should look at that.) Or HTML, my old stomping grounds of a language. It's already in its fifth release, now coming out with strange new features that seem utterly unfitting for what's supposed to be a markup language, not an interactive one. That's the role of JavaScript. Oh and by the way, I'm outdated on that too! I learned it using W3 Schools, which appears to have tutorials which are outdated and in some cases incorrect. JavaScript is in version 1.8 now apparently, and my knowledge of the language is 1.6ish.

So what am I to do? I need to get in touch with the news concerning these programming languages. I'm fairly sure that each one has a website or group that maintains it and releases news about them. Hopefully they have some sort of RSS feed, blog, or Facebook page that developers could look at.

I also need to get my skills a bit more refined. I'm a multi-faceted person. I have several interests, but it's likely the only one I'll be making money from, for the time being, is programming. And working is a vital thing in a capitalistic society. Oh sure, I could possibly find bottom-of-the-line housing, depend on the government, and do some part-time hobby work for income. But that wouldn't be much of a life. In today's world, having a job is basically mandatory to get yourself in a better position. For me, this means programming. If I'm going to get better with coding, I'm going to have to put more time into learning and practicing coding, even if it's at the expense of other interests.

Still, it'd be nice to get a job where I can actually program for once.

Intro to K-State

I am now writing this blog from my laptop in Kansas State University. I arrived here yesterday,  August 18th.

Not much happened in the days leading up to my arrival. I quit work on my birthday (August 3rd) and besides packing up the belongings I would take with me, there was barely anything to do. I was intensely bored. My roommate was in Yellowstone for school stuff.

The morning of the 17th, I woke up around 5:15 AM. Due to nerves I could not fall asleep and somehow stayed awake the rest of the day. It seemed as though my two cats were more insistent than usual of being around me - perhaps they could sense that I would soon be leaving? By nightfall almost all of my belongings that were to come had been put in my father's car. I failed to realize that was also a day I had to put more minutes on my StraightTalk cell phone. My mother and I went out to the car and pulled out my bookbag, which is where I believe to have put the time cards. They weren't in there. So with an hour left before the phone would be deactivated, I performed the umpteenth online transaction in recent memory to get more time on the phone. I don't like how much I've been using my debit card recently, and will be quite happy to have some physical money back in my possession.

I was asleep at my usual time that night, about 12:30 AM. The alarm clock woke me up at 6 AM. I did some last minute things, and we loaded up into the vehicle and set out. The three hour ride felt shorter this time. Partially it was because we had done this before. The latter two hours of the drive were spent reading an online copy of H.G. Wells's book "The Time Machine." I had read it before but was in need of something to keep my attention. Ah, the inner nerd in me had found an outlet. I imagined the scenes in my mind, using the Tenth Doctor as the Time Traveler. I even read the appropriate words in his voice. The cell phone's battery went low but with this model, I could continue to use the app (Opera Mini) until the battery completely died, which it eventually did.

As we entered the city, I became a little more anxious. The traffic was thick but we got to the dorm building quickly. We were lucky enough to find a parking spot near the building, called Marlatt Hall. My mother and I walked in, carrying a couple bags. At the front desk they asked for my college ID card. I didn't even remember being given one. I went through my wallet and did find it. I showed it to the guy who advised me that card was very important and I shouldn't lose it. We went into the elevator and to the sixth floor.

There I filled out another paper, and was given some introductory documents. My mother went outside to hopefully find some students who had dollies. They were helping people lug their stuff into the rooms. When I finished I stood up and my roommate was already there, waiting to greet me. We shook hands and proceeded to our room. He would proceed to spend most of the day instructing me on directions, rules, and just about anything else. He offered to help bring stuff up and followed me back to the car.

There, I found my mother had successfully found a work pair with a dolly. They were loading things up, while my father assembled the blue bicycle which we had put in the trunk. He made sure to look over the tires, brakes, and so on, to ensure it was in good working condition. The workers took the stuff to the room while my parents and I went to where all the bikes were. I found a good spot for my bike, near the doors to the building. They wrote down the bike's serial number so I could later register it with the university, in case it got stolen.

Not too much later, my mother hugged me and the parents were off. I went into the room and started organizing the things I had brought with me. The two biggest pains were deciding how to wire my electronics and where to put clothes and other accessories. But I managed. I still have a microwave and coffee maker that need to be plugged into something, somehow.

My roommate gave me a brief tour of the building, and also showed me where to walk for campus meals. It's a smaller building right next to our dorm building. The serving sizes and sheer amount of stuff we can choose from is awesome. In terms of food variety and quantity, I have eaten better in the past two days than I have in the last few weeks. I was going to sit in a relatively secluded area but he saw a friend of his and we went to sit with them. I didn't say much - obviously.

After that, things calmed down for a while. At one point I needed to order textbooks and, with assistance, ordered them online. Then I tried registering my bike via the Internet but got a funky response page, so I attempted to go to the parking office to get it handled. Unfortunately I had no idea where exactly to go so my roommate had to walk to where I was and show me. Then we walked off campus to the main branch of the bookstore to pick up books. As it turned out, they wouldn't have all my books until possibly late that night or the next day (today). We headed back to the dorm, I repeatedly failing to cross the street until we were basically at the dorms.

I relaxed at my laptop for some time while he went off to dinner. By the time I went for dinner, about 6 PM, there was nobody there I knew. I think I just sat quietly at my table, enjoying the food provided.

Checking on the campus calendar, I noticed they would be playing the film "The Hunger Games" at the student union. It was an outside event so we were encouraged to bring blankets to sit on or cover ourselves with. The books sound interesting and I would still like to read them. But the movie was the next best thing. Shortly before 8:30 PM I headed out and found a few female college students that were also going. I tagged along with them to the place where the film would be aired, chatting a little bit when questioned. Somehow I did not come off as creepy.

"The Hunger Games" was a pretty good movie. A lot of people tend to deeply analyze movies; I just watch them and enjoy. The premise was interesting, and overall it was a decent movie. Maybe three or four cuss words, no sex scenes that I could recall, and there was only a single instance when I noted what appeared to be innuendo. Toward the end the plot used a few cliches which should have been avoided. Rating: four mockinjays out of five.

I walked back to the dorm, still wrapped in the blanket I brought, walking a bit too close for comfort to the highway. I must have looked like a drunk, but I have just enough lack of self-conscienceness to be concerned about it.

Returning to the room, it was time to shower, and this is where things got uncomfortable for me. Our wing has four shower stalls and the curtains don't seem thick enough to provide sufficient privacy. I also could not figure out how to get from the bone chilling water to the comfortably warm water, so the first few minutes of the shower were cold. A student on crutches came into the bathroom and I asked him if the showers were simply a matter of "hop in, do what you need to do, hop out." His reply was "Yeah, as far as I know." That's when it had hit me that I asked a guy on crutches, who can't use the shower stalls, how they work. I was "that" guy.

After that insanity was over I returned to my room. It was approaching 11:30 PM. The roommate returned and about a half hour later I was in bed. The bed was comfortable, although in this kind of setting and specific set of stuff, getting comfortable enough to sleep took some effort. Sleep anxiety didn't help either.

The next day (today)...

Alright, it's just after 5 PM when I'm writing this. More interesting stuff may happen in the next few hours that won't get recorded here.

Briefly woke up this morning at about 6:45 AM. Roommate got dressed and left to wherever. I fell asleep and woke up just before 8 AM. I went to brush my teeth, only to discover I had no toothbrush! Oh well.

Last night I felt like I wanted to watch "Doctor Who." I couldn't find any of the episodes online then, but this morning another search revealed them. I watch the first half hour of the 2005 series's first episode, then went to breakfast. A few random dudes sat and chatted with me. I intended on going to church shortly and they were also. (My roommate is Catholic and he attends a church around here.) Back at the dorm I finished up the episode. At about 10 AM I left and, after going the wrong direction for a little bit, made it to the first of possibly several churches I will be investigating in the coming weeks: College Heights Baptist Church.

The building itself is one floor high and in a square U shape. It was colored with earth tones, and sported a nice stained glass picture over the altar. After briefly speaking with the pastor I sat down near the back of the sanctuary and met a couple people who also attend this university. The service itself was a bit different from what I'm used to, with the music part broken into two parts. It had a more laid back feel which appealed to me, different from the Assembly of God churches I've attended for the past four years.

When it came time to take the offerings, the college student who initially greeted me asked if I wanted to manage an offering plate instead of him. Without thinking very much I agreed. Things went pretty smoothly, even if I did things slightly out of order.

The message itself was based upon verses from Ecclesiastes, my favorite book in the Bible. That fact, as well as the pastor's simple preaching style, caused me to pay attention for the most part. It seemed like the sermon was a bit short, but then again the same building is used by a Korean church, whose service is scheduled for Sunday at noon. A fair trade, in my opinion.

Back on campus I finished up the last 15 minutes of the Doctor Who episode then went to lunch. Until this day, I was never really sure how one eats biscuits smothered in gravy. Then we were served it for lunch. I sat at a solitary table again, and then another group of people I didn't know joined me. They were also church hopping, looking for a good place to attend. I'm really surprised how many people here attend church, considering the fact this place is a university, the sort of place not known to be kind on faith.

Getting on to my computer, there were a few things that needed to be done. First, I printed out my schedule and looked at a campus map to see where my classes were located. It's not a difficult walk from place to place, luckily. With the schedule I have, I'm done with classes by 2:20 PM every day. Thursdays are an especially light day. Then I set up the account needed to find work at the campus. Since my desired career is with computers, it's about time I start getting my personal website in order, since it's intended to be a portfolio site of the various projects I've done. I also did a couple other menial things.

I got on my bike and headed to the bookstore. I received my books and was surprised to find they're relatively small! This will make things easier when classes start, tomorrow. As soon as I got back to my room I remembered I needed a toothbrush. Where the campus cafeteria is located, there is also a small convenience store. I went in there, doubting they would have toothbrushes. Yet they did! I hoped to have some physical cash on hand but only had some coins, certainly not enough to pay for a toothbrush. So I had to use my debit card. Been using that thing far too often for my preference lately.

And here we arrive at present moment. The events of the day are passed. Time to relax until tomorrow, when classes begin.

The Thousand Dollar Month

Looking at the amount of money I will have to spend for college... wow. My financial aid and all the money I've gotten from working at McDonald's combined do not pay for all of it. The first bill is due on August 20th, and right now I do not have that much money. Don't know if/when financial aid will help with that.

On July 18 I decided I would start trying to get more money through various other means. I'm calling it the Thousand Dollar Month, because I'm going to try and make $1,000 in the next 29 days. Sounds difficult, because it is. I've assembled a list of ways I could do that both with and without a computer. I'm really hesitant about doing, say, house or yard work for people I don't know. But if it gets that desperate I'll go for it.

Already, I've begun trying a few different things to potentially net some income.

• I'm selling books and other things on Amazon. If you're interested in Star Trek or Garfield, check it out. Most of the books are in the $5.00-$10.00 range.
• I'm trying to get an advertisement system set up on my blogs. I understand people don't really care for those. The ones I've gotten are text ads, meaning they don't act all flashy and bothersome.
• YouTube videos. This is a bit more fun to do, because I can play Minecraft and potentially draw an audience. The idea is to produce good content and get a YouTube partnership, where I will get money from people watching ads.

I've been tracking my progress, and it's not been good. In my goal to $1,000, I've actually gone backward because of daily expenses. People paying me back, as well as income from my job, should reverse this issue. But will I reach my goal?

Got anymore ideas for me? Please do let me know in the comments.

A Peculiar Fascination

Nerdy words lie ahead.

There's something that's interested me for as long as I can remember: organized systems. Systems/networks of units that are connected and work together as a whole. I can't really explain why these things fascinate me. I'm not really sure, myself. Here are some examples of things that have caught my eye over the years:

Organ systems. Next to astronomy, this was one of the sciences that was most appealing to me as a child. I recall being able to name all of the organ systems they taught about in school, and I can still remember plenty: circulatory, digestive, endocrine, immune, lymphatic, muscular, nervous (includes sensory IMO), reproductive, respiratory and skeletal. Of particular interest to me was the digestive system, which I suppose is what I specialized in. I can still recite the various organs that are part of it and tell the story of how food is digested. I had a heck of a time trying to learn to say "duodenum" properly. Seeing the specific function each organ had and how it related to the other organs, as well as how the various systems interacted (for example, how the blood vessels of the circulatory system and the lungs of the respiratory system worked together).

Government structures. I've long enjoyed learning about the various part of governments - the leaders, monarchs, Congresses and Parliaments. I admit I've read the US Constitution more than once and also looked at the Belgian and Chinese constitutions. I probably have an above-average understanding of how the government works and what powers our Congress, President and Supreme Court do (and perhaps more importantly, don't) have. In stories and other things I've written, it hasn't been unusual for me to spend some time designing the governmental structures. There was a game I played for about half a year called NationStates, which was all about role playing as a nation. The government of the one I had was a sort of mix between the United State's system and the British Parliamentary model.

Religions. There are various forms that these come in and I've always found myself fascinated by them. How many deities do they have? Buddhism has no deity; Christianity has one; Hinduism has many many millions. What is their take on the afterlife - Nirvana? Reincarnation? Heaven? What kind of moral system do they have set up? What is their founder like? Are they philosophers like Buddha or miracle workers like Moses? Almost every religion has a sacred text, be it the Bible, Quran, Torah, etc. Some, like the gods of the Greeks and Romans, have been long abandoned. Others remain to this day. Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism rank amongst the most widely followed religions. I'm something of an amateur theologian.

Languages. English, Spanish, Latin, Esperanto, Klingonese, Japanese, Cantonese, so on and so on. I've invented languages, one time having a folder devoted to the many I've created over the years. In addition to their vocabulary there are grammatical rules, suffixes and prefixes, punctuation, alphabets. There's actually a chart out there showing how the various sounds are made. Each sound can be represented by a symbol, which can either be a letter the English speaker is familiar with, one borrowed from other languages, or invented.

Militaries. These are heavily structured, having complex rank systems, distinct personnel groups (squad, platoon, company, battalion, division, corps, etc.), uniforms, and so on. In my younger years I was able to memorize the ranking system for the US Army and thanks to Star Trek, I have the naval officer ranks fairly well remembered: ensign, lieutenant junior grade, lieutenant, lieutenant commander, commander, captain, and then the admirals.

Road systems. Another geeky admission of mine: I'm guilty of just wasting time on Google Earth browsing the highway systems that criss-cross the United States. There's actually a method to their numbering systems. Actually, one thing I like doing with Google Earth is zooming out and looking at the apparently randomly placed towns and cities. In this part of Kansas, there's maybe one large city per county, with smaller cities and towns scattered around the place. And farmland, so much farmland in between.

The Third Year!

Two days ago was June 30. That was the completion of my third year in Kansas. I can't believe it's been three years already. Certainly doesn't feel that long. Three years already since I left most of my friends and family back in New York and came here, where I would begin my adult life.

Looking back at the time between June 30, 2011 and June 30, 2012, there doesn't seem to be very much that has changed. Most of the bastions of my life - presently, church and work - have remained consistent. A couple things are notable, and I may already have mentioned them on here.

As you may know, in December I graduated from community college. When that school year started I was leaning more toward attending the University of Kansas; now I'm set to arrive on the Kansas State University campus circa August 19 of this year. That's under two months from now. My Associate's degree came in the mail a couple weeks after graduating. I was quite intent on finding some sort of employment with that degree. Unfortunately, nothing has come of it. I'm still working fast food, barely above minimum wage. I will probably put in my two weeks' notice on July 29th, so that I have a week before leaving for KSU off. Although, since that weeks will be boring and filled with anxiety that may not be advisable. I'll figure it out.

Just within the past couple of weeks I got a new cell phone. The old one had served me admirably with no major issues. However one day after work I pulled it out of my pocket and found that the screen had been damaged. One side only showed white when the phone was on, and the other had lines going either direction. No amount of time with the battery out drying would fix it. The next day I went to Wal-Mart and, after some thinking, purchased a Samsung R375C. It looks like the Blackberry in that it's wide and flat, with a full keyboard and wide screen. Since I text and browse the Web on it far more than I call people, this is optimal for me. I don't have much issue with the phone. Perhaps my only quips are that it's slightly unstable insofar as software, freezing up once in a while, and that it defaults to T9 when I prefer to type out the words myself. I could learn to use the T9 if I wanted to.

Amongst the very first things I did with my new phone, which doesn't have a name and probably won't, was install Opera Mini. I am very pleased with this. My former cell phone ran something like Opera Mini 4. Very basic Web surfing but most certainly did the trick. The R375C can operate Opera Mini 7 and I am quite stunned at the difference between the two versions. Stylistically speaking, version 7 is quite the upgrade, not looking nearly as compact as 4, yet still as functional. I wouldn't mind being able to make it look a little less flashy, but I'm fine. Two things about version 7 makes me really happy:

• A Speed Dial page such as was Opera for the computer has. I have a few pages set on it.
• The ability to have multiple tabs. Version 4 didn't have this. I didn't really discover this feature until just this morning but I'm already happy about this. I can have multiple Web pages opened, and switching through the tabs isn't all that difficult. Certainly I will have a much easier time using Facebook on it while still browsing the Web.

I still can't watch YouTube videos, but that's quite alright. When using things that require going on the Internet, my old T404G would constantly ask if I wanted to send HTTP data... which obviously I did. The R375C doesn't do that, making things simpler. Another enjoyment I have with this phone is its ability to run Age of Heroes online. It's a MMORPG that you play on your cell phone. With my last phone, I could never get past the menu. This new phone, to my delight, runs it without a hitch. Now if only the game weren't so darn confusing, I'd be able to play!

More in the field of electronics is a new MP3 player. My last one was just dying out on me. It couldn't send music to a left earpiece and I was getting tired of that. So I went to Walgreens and got a new one, apparently called the Eclipse. To be honest, I could have done better for myself. The headphones it came with were faulty and eventually its left earpiece died, then the right went out on me too! The MP3 player itself has a remarkably slow menu system and doesn't even do proper alphabetization of songs. I don't recall the letter "F" coming before "A" in the alphabet. Its shuffle feature also leaves much to be desired since all it really does is go to a new letter in the alphabet, pick a few songs that start with it, then go to a new letter. I would recommend it only as a cheap started MP3 player. Perhaps that's why it was so relatively cheap.

I've actually had 2 or 3 headphones died out on me recently. All of them were cheap. Today I went and purchases a not so cheap pair. These, hopefully, will last a good while.

My website has experienced some updating. I'm slowly in the process of consolidating the string of blogs I have into one place. I'm starting to publish posts both here on the Blogger site, and the respective blog on my personal site. I figure that if I have that website, I may as well do something with it.

Segue out of technology and into life skills. Despite being nearly 21, I still don't have my driver's license! I should have had this years. Fortunately things are about to change. The high school offered driver's education. Although intended for students, adults were allowed to sign up. So I did. The week's worth of classes was murderously boring. I found myself annoyed with the constant chiding and lecturing the teachers were giving us. Then came to drive. It's been 9 of the 10 days already, but it really feels like it's been forever. My driving skills have improved enormously, however. I used to freak out when there were other vehicles around or behind me. I'm now much more comfortable on the road, although I would still do well to relax a bit. I already know what vehicle I will be driving once I get my license: a 2000 Ford Ranger. Driving a truck will take me some getting used to. I do plan on writing an entry on my driving experiences, so I won't go much further than that for now.

It's surprising that I didn't mention it on here, but in September I had a sever crisis of faith. You see, on the Internet people are constantly bashing and questioning the Christian faith. Sure there were some basic answers seen here and there, but up until that point I had very little useful knowledge to support my faith. The constant presence of people deriding Christianity eventually upset me. I began to question my faith, myself. Is our faith really blind faith, or what there any kind of logic for it?

I asked two of my more knowledgeable youth leaders what evidence there was for God. One said, "There is none," and the other didn't know how to answer the question. Talk about dismaying! As I struggled to find an answer, my faith wavered. For short periods of time I would descend into agnosticism. On a Christian message board I regularly post on, which I know to be filled with intelligent people of faith, I made a thread asking for good, clear reasons to believe the existence of God and Jesus. At first, people replied with nothing of particular use simply saying "It's by faith." Then another poster replied showing how the few strands of logic I had picked up actually were the basic component of three widely used arguments for God's existence (the cosmological, teleological, and moral arguments). Around the same time I asked my second pastor (whose church I visit Wednesday evenings) this question. I mentioned I had an interest in apologetics, the defense of the faith using reason. He let me borrow a book he had, called "Holman QuickSource Guide to Christian Apologetics." This was exactly what I needed. It showed three philosophical arguments for God's existence, the argument for Jesus's resurrection, the accuracy and reliability of the Old and New Testaments, as well as a few other things.

That book would launch me into the field of theology called apologetics. And since then I have been awed and amazed by it. To think, a religion could have good reasons to be believed in! One apologist, William Lane Craig, has become an intellectual hero of mine. I've been soaking up his work like a sponge. Actually, there are many men whose work I've been engorging myself in: Ravi Zacharias, Greg Koukl, Hugh Ross, and Lee Strobel (his book "The Case for a Creator" was so awesome I read it twice). Being a thinker myself, apologetics comes very naturally to me. Honestly, I feel like this may well be part of God's purpose for my life. I do struggle with fear when facing arguments against God. I worry that they'll be able to disprove my logic, thus debunking part of the reason behind my faith. This is something that all apologists face, though. As long as I can remember that what I believe is true and empirical, I will be fine.

K-State Orientation, or, How to Confuse a Nerd

Yesterday I visited the Kansas State University campus for the first time. It was for enrollment and orientation. August 20th the classes officially begin, but I may opt to arrive in the dorms a day or two ahead of schedule.

But this adventure began nearly 12 hours before the orientation did. Having a mild case of sleep anxiety, sleeping isn't as convenient for me as others find it. This was somewhat problematic because in order to get enough sleep for the long trip ahead, everyone in the house went to bed early. Originally I was planning on getting off the computer and into bed at 8:30, but my parents were already resting and I didn't want to be up excessively late so I got into bed a whole 15 minutes before that. From 8:15 PM to about 9:30 I just laid there, idly surfing the Web on my cell phone until I finally dozed off. That nap lasted about an hour and I awoke again sometime during the 10 o'clock hour.

At that point I just could not get back to sleep, and every position was uncomfortable. I got up, leaned against the wall with a pillow supporting my back, and watched a National Geographic program until 11. Then, as I usually do for the Monday night 11 o'clock hour, I turned on TBN and watched Joel Osteen and Manna-Fest with Perry Stone. Some time during Manna-Fest I laid back down, but it wasn't until about 12:30 AM or so that I could get back to sleep.

Then my alarm went off. It was 3 AM. I had breakfast and prepared for the long ride ahead. To get from my little hometown of Independence to Manhattan, KS (aka the Little Apple; it has its own subreddit) takes about three hours. We did what we needed to do and were on the road shortly after 4 AM.

The ride there was actually very interesting. I had never been on the Kansas roads this late at night (or would it be early in the morning?). I've long been fond of the Kansas highways. The terrain and open space is lovely. It was about 60 degrees Fahrenheit although I was comfortable in my sweater. One of the most memorable parts was watching the colors of the horizon change as the sun got closer to rising. There were hues of blue, green, orange, and a spectrum of other colors. Minecraft has nothing on real sunrises. I frequently rested my head on my seat but I don't recall if I napped. I may have.

It's history now, but as we passed through the various towns and cities I posted a message on Twitter, if you want to check it out. I noticed that the small towns we went through looked very similar. It seems Dollar General, Casey's, Subway and Jump Start were staples of every area. I also saw two First Baptist Churches. Kansas, copying and pasting town plans before the advent of computers.

Right around 7 AM we made it to the college campus. It certainly doesn't look the way I expected. The buildings are mostly made of white concrete, as opposed to the darker colors I anticipated. It was an hour early so we just sort of stood around. I had brought a book with me, The Case for a Creator by Lee Strobel, which I intermittently read. As we entered the student union building there was a flight of stairs down which led to the bowling arena, billiards room, and video game section. There was also a screen showing the schedule for the day. My father joked that it would be funny if it was a touch screen. Imagine touching it and suddenly every similar screen on campus goes flying about. After touching the screen however, he found it was not a touch screen.

At around 7:45 AM things began. What followed would be a very hectic, whirlwind series of events during which I was confused as to exactly what and where I was supposed to go. Honestly, I was clueless in every regard and if I could do something wrong, I did. In hindsight, it's hilarious.

First they had us go to a table based on our last name. I got to the one for me and received my name tag with three tickets to get free food at the food court for lunch. I also received a few other papers. Next I had to go to another table down the hall. I didn't notice it until my parents pointed it out to me. I think it was there that I got a pink piece of paper which was of some importance and a K-State bag with papers and a book in it. Next we followed the crowd - like lemmings, as my father said - to the spot where we would have our photos taken. My parents sat on a bench while I got in a winding queue to get my picture taken. It was fairly rapid and I liked the outcome.

At that point I think my sugar levels had dropped. There was an electronic thing that I had to sign my signature on. I couldn't keep my hand stable and as a result the first part of my signature is a little clumped together. I told my folks I needed food and we were directed upstairs to the food court where a convenience store was open. I grabbed some Twix and a Pepsi. The Twix alleviated my hunger and soon I was back in normal operating condition.

With that done we proceeded to where a series of desks with computers were. They were lined by last name but the lady behind a desk which wasn't for my last name was able to process me. I think she basically checked to verify I was me and I still wanted to major in computer science.

Now, after a little bit of confusion where to go next, we went into what looked like a little art gallery and had the chance to get some donuts and coffee. I'm not the most graceful of people and was already a little overladen, so when I attempted to grab a chocolate-covered donut with the tongs I succeeded in rolling it around the plate a little before successfully snatching it. Then into an auditorium.

Kansas State University is divided into nine colleges, or general areas of study. In this auditorium we were all seated according to which college we belonged to. As a computer science major, I went in the college of engineering. It was cramped and had a bizarre smell akin to cereal and body odor. Fortunately the scent was faint. A pregnant woman spoke to us first, then the Dean of the university addressed us for maybe a half hour. Throughout orientation I would be spoken to a lot and loaded with information, but all the talk sessions were brief - thank God.

During the message from the dean, I could discern he was trying to paint a rosy picture of the university. He frequently referred to the teachers and student body as a "family." I also sensed a sort of liberalism but it's too early to tell.

Next we were shipped to smaller rooms based upon which college we went to for a Tips for Success talk. from a couple fellow students. Throughout the entire day there were students wearing a purple KSU t-shirt and khaki shorts or skirt. I found these people to be very approachable, sociable, and informative. Part of this session involved meeting the others in the room that we didn't know. As an introvert, I naturally found that uninteresting and didn't really speak to anyone until the dude next to me spoke first. Nice first impression of me. Then the two students in charge spoke. Now that I think of it, both of them posted their Twitter accounts. I'm going to see if I can find them on there.

Something that I was wondering the whole time is if the university has its own dedicated Minecraft server. After the talk ended I asked one of the students and he didn't know. From there we went to what were called "Break Out Sessions," which were short informative sessions. There were many different ones to choose from. The first was Computing and Networking, which talked about the online systems that KSU has for students. Again I asked about Minecraft, and they did not know.

The second one was Career Resources. This was very interesting. There's a branch of the campus dedicated to helping students get jobs. As it turns out, employers frequently hold fairs at the campus to meet with students, aka potential employees. I sure intend on looking at that. Also, there are innumerable part-time job opportunities throughout the campus. The food court alone has a Denny's and Taco Bell. I may apply for one of those - although I'd rather get a job tailored to my major. My main goal of university is to get a job I want, so this was quite relevant to my interests.

By this time it was about 10:45 AM. A lull in the activity. My parents had wandered off a half hour ago although I kept in contact via text message. I meandered down to the first floor of the student union building to check things out. I met up with my parents in the food court. The next event wasn't meant to start until 11:15 AM but apparently they were a couple minutes ahead of schedule. A KSU student working the orientation asked if we were finding everything OK and I subsequently went upstairs where everyone was to meet up according to college. They had already left so one of the girls walked me to where the talk for the college of engineering was being held. It was in a different building. The room was a small lecture hall. The chairs were amazing. Cushioned and ergonomic, you could lean back slightly in them. By this point my brain was pretty fried and overloaded so I couldn't retain much of what was said.

Once that finished, it was finally lunch time. I went into the packed food court and started examining the various options. In addition to the Denny's and Taco Bell there were a few spots which looked like they were professionally ran. One spot had pizzas on display. I asked the lady what the menu was and she said that the only thing she was serving that day was what was on display. I almost got pizza, then I remembered how I've had so much recently that I've started losing desire for it.

To the right was another interesting spot. The guy there, despite apparently being a professional chef, was very casual and patient. No Gordon Ramsey here. I'm not sure if he could tell I had been in a near perpetual daze up to that point. I noticed a little sign saying he was serving an entrée with two sides or whatever so I opted for that. I asked what the entrée was and he presented three options. I went for the chicken selects (I hate I just used their McDonald's name to describe them, LOL!) and he put a pretty decent number of them on the plate. He then showed me the options for the side dishes and I selected the mashed potatoes and the corn. What he ended up doing was putting two scoops of mashed potatoes, overall a pretty beastly mound, and these little chicken nugget things which had like corn and I think cheese in them. By some sheer strange understanding of college-level physics he made it all fit on the plate. The meal also had a 24 ounce drink. I had no clue where the drink stand was until he pointed it out to me. This guy was pretty cool.

So I get to the drink stand and look at the various cups. I can't find the 24 oz. cups. I believe it was at this point that my patience started to fizzle out. I'm the kind of person that needs to have a schedule or to-do list to feel comfortable. That's not what I had that day. I felt like I had been haphazardly slung around the campus all morning not being told more than "Go this way." (Today I realized there was indeed a piece of paper with the day's schedule on it, but with all the information that I was being spammed with, I had no way of noticing.) I did finally find the 24 oz. cups and filled it with good ol' sweet tea. But my next frustration was finding the straws and napkins! They were nowhere to be found! A family near me was trying to understand the same thing. A cook was walking by and I asked him. The straws and napkins weren't available until after we paid for the meal. How nice. My plate was a thick paper plate and starting to feel warm. I informed the likewise clueless family and proceeded to the cashier - entering on the wrong side, of course. I handed in the food ticket, got my straw and napkin and looked for a place to sit. The section was filled with small square tables that seated four. Not knowing anyone (except possibly one person I may have recognized as a friend of some friend) I picked an empty table and began to eat. The food was delicious - especially the mashed potatoes.

My parents met up with me there. It all felt so surreal. That was the place where, in two months' time, I would be learning, living, and hopefully working. This would be my new home. A place where I would be taking my first steps as an individual adult, independent of my parents. I'm very lucky because the federal student aid I'm receiving will pay all but a few hundred dollars of my costs for the two years. I can easily handle the rest. Now that I think of it, I'm intensely lucky. I've been saving money up for years and years to pay for college and instead of thousands I'll only have to pay a few hundred. Hallelujah.

At 1 PM I had to return to the engineering building to take care of getting enrolled. I succeeded in finding my way to the wrong building and had two teachers direct me to the correct one. From there I wound up waiting on the wrong side of the library for a half hour to get processed. I never did get good phone signal at that campus. Had someone not alerted me I would have been waiting all day long. But I soon found myself in the right spot.

My advisor started off our conversation with a bad pun and said "If you don't like puns you better run." That made me chuckle because I'm a huge pun fan. Then we got down to plotting out my fall semester classes. Since I'm quite knowledgeable in programming concepts and several languages,  I was permitted to skip an otherwise required 200 level class and take CIS 300, "Data Structures." He informed me that if I found the class too overwhelming on the first couple days I could drop the class and enter CIS 200. I ended up with 3 computers-related classes for my first semester.

He wanted to then see me take a non-computers course to fulfill other requirements. I noticed PHILO 115 was Introduction to the Philosophy of Religion. Once, while discussing with an older friend my interest in ministry, he suggested that if I didn't want to do seminary I could try religious studies in college. I put this on my list of classes to enroll in. The advisor said the course might be full already so suggested I have an alternative ready. I picked HIST 101, Rise of Europe. Four classes chosen, I moved to a computer where a volunteer was helping people enroll.

I had no trouble enrolling in Intro to Computer Science and Intro to Computer Engineering. When I tried getting into PHILO 115 the system didn't seem to recognize it existed. The volunteer helped me check and I found out it was closed to transfer students. That was unfortunate as I was anxious to take that class. Instead I enrolled in HIST 101 with no issue. Then with CIS 300 it wouldn't let me get in because I hadn't taken CIS 200. The guy who had spoken at the 11:15 session, I believe he is the dean of engineering, was alerted and he enrolled me in the CIS 300 class. My schedule was complete and it got printed out. It was after 2 PM by that point.

By that time fatigue had kicked in. I returned to the student union and picked up my KSU photo ID card. We then looked at the various tables in the student union showing off the many programs. Amongst the things I checked out where two of the 4 Christian programs on display and the museum. I might want to work at the museum - it's quiet, like a library, and seems like what I'd enjoy. One more question needed to be answered: dorms. Where would I be staying? What could/couldn't I bring to the campus? I returned to the engineering building and asked the dean of engineering. He had me call the appropriate office. They won't know who goes where until the first week of July, when they mail out the information. The stuff to bring or not bring is available on the website.

And with that I was done and ready to go home. I picked up another bottle of Pepsi for my dry mouth and we returned to our car. I took off my sweater and immediately knew I did not smell very nice.

The drive home was largely quiet. We were all tired. It felt much quicker than the trip to the campus. I had a small nap. For about the last hour I played a game on my cell phone. When we were a few miles from Independence my father asked what was going on concerning dinner. I mentioned I wanted to do what has become a typical part of my Tuesday schedule, which is to meet with friend at the apartment of a married couple of friends for a couple hours. My parents were gracious enough to drop me off there and take my bookbags and paper home.

There I relaxed and hung out with my friends. Most of them are younger than me. I played a little Zelda and had some soup. Now, it seems that this younger generation isn't very concerned with personal space when around friends. As a rule, I tend to give friends appropriate amount of personal space and avoid awkward physical contact. It's not like I sit a foot away from them but I'm not all up on them. However it seems (especially amongst the young women I know) when on a couch, it's completely fine to be bunched up together, leaning and in some cases sitting on each other. Trying to be "hip" and sociable I got in on it and found myself someone squeezed against a friend. It was weird but I got used to it. Although, I noticed one of my female friends resting her head on a guy friend. Monkey see, monkey do. I went to put my head on her shoulder but he stopped me, evidently finding it awkward. I was amused at how she said it, though.

When I got home shortly before 9 PM, I realized my mp3 player was missing. I deduces one of two things: either it was in the car, or at the friends' house. Doesn't seem to be in the car. Either I dropped it somewhere or I got pickpocketed. Oh well. It was broken anyway. Unfortunately, now I need to get new headphones. And maybe a less crappy mp3 player.

Some Reality

About two weeks ago I had a small depressive spell. Things just weren't going my way and it was really getting me down. It's had a lasting, possibly, permanent impact on my ambitious, imaginative side.

Growing up in school I was always told that I could be anything I ever wanted. My parents also reinforced that. The church likes to say that God has some incredible purpose for everyone and if they were obedient to Him, they would experience it. As a result of this constant encouragement, I like to say that I've been foolish enough to believe I really could do whatever I set my mind to, provided I had the right planning and effort put into it.

In recent times I've come to realize that, you know what, it may not be so simply obvious that I will achieve my dreams in life. My current desire for life, at the moment, is to graduate from university with a Bachelor's of Science degree in computer science. From there I wish to work for a computers company where I can do some kind of programming. My strengths are largely in Web development so that's where I may very well go. I would love to see if any companies needs someone with an Associate's degree that can hire me part time while I'm at university, but that's more a possibility rather than a concrete piece of the plan.

Once I get my Bachelor's, I want to find a company that will hire me full time in some programming function. If I get a programming job as a college student, I might be lucky enough to be able to stick with that company. After a few years of work I may decide to start my own programming company, which I have named Dextros Programming. That's more possibility than reality. Eventually, and hopefully within the next ten years, I will find a nice Christian gal and get married. Also in the realm of possibility is getting my Master's in computer science, if the job market would necessitate it. I may even enroll in a seminary program and get a Master's in Biblical Studies or apologetics. I don't believe I am going to be a pastor in the future but I do have a calling to ministry. So far it seems like the most likely things I'll be entering are youth ministry, apologetics, and/or evangelism.

I also want to be a published writer and create a game I've had in my mind for several years.

That's what I want to do with life. It's much more than the common 20-something desires. I would reckon most of them are simply "finish college. Get a job. Get a house and car." And for the better part of my life, I've believed that it was a given I would accomplish these. I got the knowledge. I got the resources. I got the time and ambition. So I'll do all of this, right?

Not when reality steps into speak. The fact of the matter is, half of new graduates with Bachelor's degrees can't get jobs. The economy is in a slump that even well-educated graduates are settling for minimum wage jobs, if they can get one at all. On top of that, I stepped into the programming realm relatively late, it seems. I know a young man who was only 14 and already coding in Python. I didn't get serious about coding until I was 16. Luckily, the computer sciences are expanding fields so hopefully I have an advantage when I wield a Bachelor's degree.

I recently sent job applications to six or so entry-level jobs. None of them accepted me. Which is insane because I have a college degree and three years of work experience. And I wasn't good enough? How will I ever fund myself at university? I really do not want to work for McDonald's when I leave for school. However that may end up being my only option; I have a great reputation as a worker here, and it might be possible to get transferred there.

This lack of money hampers things immensely. If I do land a stable computers job I will be quite happy. I intend on living somewhere cheap for the first few years after school. I'm not particularly materialistic. Quite hopefully, I won't end up being another student who, unable to get a good income after college, has to move back in with the parents. It's really a 50-50 chance that I'll get a decent computer job. And it may require me moving out of state. The lack of money would also make starting a company quite hard. In all likelihood I won't have much free time, and my skills are rather limited. To make up for this I would need to hire others. It would need to be a volunteer venture since there's no way I could pay employees. I informally have myself listed as Founder/Lead Programmer of Dextros Programming on my Facebook page, but it's merely fantasy (alongside being graduated from Konoha Academy and Starfleet Academy as chaplain for the Enterprise).

Being a published writer first necessitates I write something good. I have some drafts made that might be decent. I have one story that, although currently it is an online blog, I may go ahead and try to get it turned into a book. This is much more of a concrete thing, just takes creativity and effort.

Making a game is something in the works, but not advancing at a very good pace. Again, it would ultimately need help from others. Getting married is something you really can't plan. I first need to find a compatible person. At the moment that seems quite difficult for me since I'm not a very typical person. Ministry is also something I can't plan. I have a ministry blog and plenty of head knowledge. I just need to get on the streets and start working it. But I need real life support, and almost none of the people I know want to be involved.

Sure does seem like I've dissected and shot down my dreams. I'm not saying they're impossible, I'm saying some of them are improbable. It's for certain that I'll get my Bachelor's degree - federal financial aid will cover all but a couple hundreds of dollars from that, although student loans will be another issue to deal with.

I suppose the lesson I've learned is one of humility. I'm not as awesome and powerful and gifted as I formerly thought myself to be. My awesome future I've dreamed of isn't so set in stone.

My depression was set off when I realized there were some things about my work which absolutely sucked and there was nothing I could do about it, and then when I was told I might be able to do something I really wanted to do, but it was dropped at the last second without my awareness. These things made me feel so useless, and hopeless. Useless because it seemed like I had no worth. I had nothing to provide besides meaningless, menial stuff. Oh sure I can go on the Internet and make myself seem so great and gifted but in real life, I'm nothing. And hopeless because I felt like I was in a trap where all I could do is despair over less than ideal conditions in life, and that there was no way for me to effectively use the skills I do have. With those events and feelings came the feeling that I'm not really all that important or great. Which is reflected in this pessimistic outlook on my dreams.

If you ask me if I'll ever accomplish what I seek to do in life, I'll tell you it's uncertain. In reality, I might not manage to do any of them. I could very well end up doing the thing I've worked so hard to avoid: living a meaningless, mediocre life.

This pessimistic view, although not necessarily the actual outcome I'm destined to have, is quite grounding. It brings me to reality. You see, I do still have these dreams. To be a programmer, an author, and minister. And they can be done. Sometimes it seems like my efforts aren't toward a discernible goal. For example: until a few weeks ago I was devoting time learning the various PHP command libraries. I don't even remember most of them. Then I realized something, which also sparked that depression: it was for no practical purpose. I was getting so much information, but to what end? I've moved from that to trying more practical stuff. The results have been immediate, with two new completed projects. They're far from magnificent but better than nothing. In my writing, I'm jumping through the parts, writing as inspiration comes. I do foresee this being a completed project. And as for ministry, I have already started that.

Post 38: More on God as Personal and Experiential

In the past six or so months, my life as a Christian has turned in a way I never imagined it would. I ventured into a field of Christian theology known as apologetics. I've learned the knowledge of defenders of the faith like William Lane Craig, Ravi Zacharias, Hugh Ross, and so on. This has coupled with my natural propensity to learn things quickly and has resulted in me gaining a very large mental library of knowledge about rational defense of the Christian faith. I have at least a basic understanding of six philosophical arguments to support the existence of the Biblical God and can probably provide a decent defense the historical accuracy of the Bible. This passion to understand the faith is something I've held for as long as I can remember yet is sadly absent from most of my peers.

However, even with all this knowledge, I still find myself occasionally in doubt. You'd think this is the most bizarre issue that I could have. Like, really? I've ventured into fields of knowledge that most are apathetic toward at best, and I'm still not 100% confident in my faith? It's true. It's no secret that God is, on a day-to-day basis, quite hidden from humanity. Because he's not made of matter or energy, he's not something we can detect with our physical senses. Because he is infinite and eternal, he is not something we can fully comprehend or understand with our human thinking. The Bible says that a person cannot see God and live; if God were to appear in front of me, it would be my death. His pure holiness would destroy my physical body (or something like that). Rather, God is spirit and to perceive him you must be able to perceive spiritually. I do have friends who are more in-tune with things spiritual; I don't quite have that gifting.

It seems that the issue boils down to this: I have trouble encountering God in a personal, experiential manner. Despite Christianity being a "personal relationship," I must concede there are not too many things which have happened over the past four years which I could call personal. On a practical, daily level, it's been more of a matter of obedience than personal interaction. Then there is the experiential aspect. I have experienced things which I attribute to God - healings, hearing from God, warnings, etc. - yet these are unfortunately far and few in between, which makes them difficult to anchor upon.

I want to experience God on a more tangible, real level, outside the lines of ink that make up my Bible or my short nightly prayers. I've ruminated on this in a previous post, and some of the possibilities listed by it still apply here. Some ways I might experience God:

• Miraculous events - I've experienced at least one of my own, as well as seeing/hearing of several others.
• Worship - egad. Pentecostals are (in)famous for this. Speaking in tongues. Being slain in the Spirit. My response to God hasn't been particularly emotional, so I don't really experience anything supernatural in this. I make a really good Baptist in this regard.
• "Hearing" God through thoughts - as I've said before, this has happened to me a couple times.
• Conscience - this is one I don't often consider, and I really should. When your conscience inexplicably (or explicably as the case may be) tells you something, that's the God trying to get your attention via the Holy Spirit.
• "Feeling" God presence - been over two years since I mentioned this, and I still don't know how one does that.
• Observing how God works through the world around you - like how things turn out for fellow believers, etc., etc.

This list isn't very helpful. It's just a list. These are ways that God might appear to me, but it doesn't help with my problem. How might one come to experience God? Or encounter him in a personal way? I'd like for that to happen. Dear God, please reveal yourself to me, because I am a stubborn fool that wants to rely on my own understanding.

Post 37: Rite of Initiation or, What it Mean to be a Man

A couple days ago I was reading an article on the site called The Art of Manliness and it talked about rites of initiation. These are events in a young man's life that marks their transition from being a boy to being a man. It mentioned some things that I found were interesting.

To my surprise, it seems that a lot of adult males don't feel like they are men. Being 20, I consider myself a man. I figured I officially transitioned from boyhood to manhood on my 18th birthday. By that point I had graduated high school and moved over 900 miles to a new state in the country. I would soon have a job and, less than a year later, enter college.

Part of the reason many men don't feel like men, the article seems to say, is because as a society we lack that rite of initiation that more traditional societies have. There is no absolute delimiter. Instead, people use a lot of different major life events to personally mark when they enter manhood. It could be when they get their driver's license (which I've not yet done, but am in the process of doing!), graduate from high school, become the age where you're legally considered an adult, and so on. If the person belongs to a religious organization there could be something like that. In Christianity, there's a tradition of water baptism, where the person identifies with the death and resurrection of Jesus. Jews have the bar mitzvah for young men where at age 13 are considered to be full adults in the Jewish community. Catholic Christians, in addition to water baptism, have the sacrament of Confirmation.

Within a small span of time, I've had many experiences which could be considered rites of initiation to manhood: water baptism at my Protestant Christian church; a few days later, graduating from high school; two days later, arriving in Kansas after a long trip half way across the nation; turning 18; getting my first real job; and registering to vote.

However, I feel that if I were personally to have a "rite of initiation" into manhood, it wouldn't be any of those things. With the exception of the long move, these are pretty generic. When I think of being a man, there's some words that come to my mind: leader, self-reliant, wise, intelligent, strong, crafty, mild-tempered, resilient, and so on. In the comments section of the page there were some good ideas for what a personalized rite of initiation would be like. I suppose my own rite of initiation would involve three main fields: my spirituality, physical strength, and practical skills.

Now, I don't really care for the idea of having children currently, but it's possible that someday I will have a son. I have a speculation about what I might do for a rite of initiation. Should I ever have children I do intend to raise them in a strongly Christian home and we would retain the tradition of water baptism. That wouldn't be the "rite of initiation," though. That's meant to be done when a person makes a decision to openly associate with Jesus's death and resurrection. My idea is this:

Perhaps a weekend or two after graduation or his turning 18, whichever occurs last, there would be a trip taken to the woods. Perhaps it would be a camping expedition. The only people attending would be me, the son, and a couple friends of mine who I know to be wise and godly. Over the course of the weekend we would teach him how to do things like starting fires (not to burn down the forest of course!), fishing, and other skills that would make him handy around the house and in daily life. We'd also do some running to build up the physique, although myself and my friends may run out of energy long before he did. The most important part, I think, would be when we're sitting around the campfire. Myself and my friends would discuss life with him. I'm sure that at 18 he would still have lots of questions about God, women, life, and so on. We'd hear and answer his questions, and dispense valuable bits of wisdom to him. The outcome of this, hopefully, would be a young man equipped to grow as a wise and capable individual that knows the proper way to face life and reach his fullest potential in whatever goals he may set.

Post 36: An Alternative Lifestyle

The other day, I was thinking to myself. I don't want to settle for the 9 to 5 job life. For the longest time I felt like I wanted to get into freelancing, since it offers much more flexibility. I can work when I want on what I wish to work on. Hopefully I would be able to make a good income off of this. Then I thought, I really wouldn't mind just being a part-timer. That is, if the job wasn't something I was really passionate about. 


I'd like to think of myself as not much of a materialistic person. There isn't very much that I actually need. I don't own very much stuff, and (excluding furniture) what I do have could probably fit in a car trunk - clothes included. I wouldn't mind getting a cheap apartment that has cable, telephone and quality Internet access, along with running water and air conditioning. I'd spend most of my free time on the computer, anyway. If even a part time job could provide enough money that I could pay off the necessities and still be able to live comfortably, I'd be all set. I just really don't like the idea of giving years of my life to a job that I don't even have passion for and leaves me so tired when I'm done that I don't have the energy to follow my dreams. I see this way too often and I'm somewhat determined to stay out of that rut.


I'm also a morning person. I don't mind the idea of getting up at like 7 or 8 in the morning. I have a friend who lives on a farm and he does all sorts of errands. I would guess he usually starts his work around 8 or 9 and goes on until maybe 2 or so in the afternoon. I rather admire that work ethic he has and would do well to adopt it myself. A sustaining part time job that would be over at about noon or 1 PM would, then, be almost ideal for me. 


So what would I do with the free time, then? Probably take the chance to pursue my dreams, the thing I really want to do. Perhaps do freelancing. Write a book, try to make money via the Internet. Do more with my ministry. I wouldn't want to waste all this time though, by doing pointless ventures. Perhaps unfortunately, I'm thinking in terms of dollar signs. I do wish to monetize my skills and if the job I have doesn't use them, then I would probably look for other ways to do so. I would try to have fun, of course. Another advantage of being done early in the afternoon is that I could socialize with friends, who have similar work schedules. 


I'm quite inspired by various people I've discovered through gaming, who either don't have full time jobs or don't actually have a job proper. Etho, who is currently my favorite Minecraft gamer, admitted today he's a horticulturist, a seasonal job. Most of his income comes from his videos. Kurtjmac quit a job he disliked many months ago and has devoted most of his time to YouTube  videos. He's saved up quite a bit of money to support himself and there's a "tip jar" where people can make personal donations to him. Then there's the Yogscast, who presumably make tons of money and don't seem to have actual jobs. I see these people follow their video and gaming passions and are able to monetize those. I'm good at writing, programming, and ministry (though I certainly don't intend to make money off of that), and could also possibly work in some teaching role. Maybe, just maybe, I can escape the rat race and do stuff a bit more meaningful and satisfying than the normal 40 hours a week life.