Post 38: More on God as Personal and Experiential

In the past six or so months, my life as a Christian has turned in a way I never imagined it would. I ventured into a field of Christian theology known as apologetics. I've learned the knowledge of defenders of the faith like William Lane Craig, Ravi Zacharias, Hugh Ross, and so on. This has coupled with my natural propensity to learn things quickly and has resulted in me gaining a very large mental library of knowledge about rational defense of the Christian faith. I have at least a basic understanding of six philosophical arguments to support the existence of the Biblical God and can probably provide a decent defense the historical accuracy of the Bible. This passion to understand the faith is something I've held for as long as I can remember yet is sadly absent from most of my peers.

However, even with all this knowledge, I still find myself occasionally in doubt. You'd think this is the most bizarre issue that I could have. Like, really? I've ventured into fields of knowledge that most are apathetic toward at best, and I'm still not 100% confident in my faith? It's true. It's no secret that God is, on a day-to-day basis, quite hidden from humanity. Because he's not made of matter or energy, he's not something we can detect with our physical senses. Because he is infinite and eternal, he is not something we can fully comprehend or understand with our human thinking. The Bible says that a person cannot see God and live; if God were to appear in front of me, it would be my death. His pure holiness would destroy my physical body (or something like that). Rather, God is spirit and to perceive him you must be able to perceive spiritually. I do have friends who are more in-tune with things spiritual; I don't quite have that gifting.

It seems that the issue boils down to this: I have trouble encountering God in a personal, experiential manner. Despite Christianity being a "personal relationship," I must concede there are not too many things which have happened over the past four years which I could call personal. On a practical, daily level, it's been more of a matter of obedience than personal interaction. Then there is the experiential aspect. I have experienced things which I attribute to God - healings, hearing from God, warnings, etc. - yet these are unfortunately far and few in between, which makes them difficult to anchor upon.

I want to experience God on a more tangible, real level, outside the lines of ink that make up my Bible or my short nightly prayers. I've ruminated on this in a previous post, and some of the possibilities listed by it still apply here. Some ways I might experience God:

• Miraculous events - I've experienced at least one of my own, as well as seeing/hearing of several others.
• Worship - egad. Pentecostals are (in)famous for this. Speaking in tongues. Being slain in the Spirit. My response to God hasn't been particularly emotional, so I don't really experience anything supernatural in this. I make a really good Baptist in this regard.
• "Hearing" God through thoughts - as I've said before, this has happened to me a couple times.
• Conscience - this is one I don't often consider, and I really should. When your conscience inexplicably (or explicably as the case may be) tells you something, that's the God trying to get your attention via the Holy Spirit.
• "Feeling" God presence - been over two years since I mentioned this, and I still don't know how one does that.
• Observing how God works through the world around you - like how things turn out for fellow believers, etc., etc.

This list isn't very helpful. It's just a list. These are ways that God might appear to me, but it doesn't help with my problem. How might one come to experience God? Or encounter him in a personal way? I'd like for that to happen. Dear God, please reveal yourself to me, because I am a stubborn fool that wants to rely on my own understanding.