Monday, December 12, 2011

Post 31: Farewell Community College, Hello Future

On December 8, I completed the last of my final exams. I treated myself to some Subway food. It's been a few days and all but one of the grades on my college's online system have been posted. Of the six classes I took in this semester, five of them have been A's and I suspect the final one, physical science, will be a low A. My GPA as of now is a 3.94. For those who are unfamiliar with the system, that is a grade out of a possible 4.0. Such a GPA is very hard for the typical person to achieve. What's more, this grade was accomplished while being a distance learner; five of my six classes were done over the Internet, using an online education system known as Angel. I worked on the material whenever I wasn't at work.

My time at the community college (ICC) wasn't the typical two-year experience most have. The standard system is four full-time semesters of fall, spring, fall, and spring. Mine started in summer 2010 and ended fall 2011, with five semesters (two of them part-time summer semesters). I have graduated a semester earlier than my classmates. Now I am done and within the next few months will be receiving the degree I've worked to acquire: Associate's of Science in the major of computer science. I am the first person in my household to have a college degree.

But now there is going to be an 8 month period between now and when I start university. My two choices are either Kansas State University or University of Kansas. The former is much cheaper and has a better technology reputation than the latter, so it is my primary choice. During these next eight months, I have many things I want or need to do.

First and foremost is getting my driver's license. Despite being 20 I have yet to take any testing to be able to drive. This is about to change. My youth leaders purchased a copy of the driving handbook a few months ago and I've read it. Over the next few days I'm going to study up on it to refresh my memory. Then Thursday, three days from now, I will take the test to earn my driver's permit. I expect that the written portion will be of no issue for me, and the driving portion will likewise be easy. Once I have acquired my permit I am going to practice my driving with the help of friends and associates who have offered to assist me. I think I need 50 hours of driving experience to get my full license. Also, I need to find an insurance company. For now I will split the cost with my parents. Eventually I will need to call around and see what kind of company I would like to work with.

On top of that, I need a vehicle. For now I will use my father's truck. To be honest, I don't care what my first vehicle is, as long as it's in decent shape and can get me where I need to go.

Second, I want to get more money. University is an expensive thing and student loans are not very appealing to me. Even though I will inevitably have to take out loans, I would still like to buffer them with money I've worked for. At my current workplace, I have told my managers that I'm free whatever day of the week they need me for. Hopefully that will lead to an increase in hours I'm working. Also, I'd like to use my Internet presence. As it stands I have four active blogs, two inactive blogs, a Web site, three Twitter accounts, and a Facebook page. Certainly these, plus my skills at Web development, could earn me a small supply of income. Not much unless I hit it super big, but better than nothing. I could set up a PayPal account and and register with Google's AdSense program. This would enable me to put ads at least on my blogs and Web site (don't worry, I would keep them non-intrusive, probably along the left side of the screen or maybe at the top). As for Twitter and Facebook, I could do other things as well. Facebook also has an ad system which I could utilize for my blogs.

Alongside those two things, I have other smaller things I've wanted to do.
  • Finish learning Java. I couldn't sell my Java textbook back to the college bookstore, so instead I kept it. I would like to learn Java more and this would give me the opportunity to do just that. It's a common language in the world of electronics. 
  • Get more traffic to my blogs, particularly my Minecraft blog. I like writing about my life and ideas, but dangit I want to know that people are reading these things and interacting with me. Blogger has a nifty feature that lets me see how many daily visitors my blogs get. The Minecraft blog routinely gets about a dozen per day; "After Adults" get a little less. This blog gets scarcely any. I've begun looking up and joining blog directories, which is why there is now a "Blog Directory Medley" section along the right-hand side.
  • Minecraft. I would like to become more creative and accomplish more with that.
  • Ministry. After a recent crisis of faith I've decided to temporarily leave the evangelical field in order to rebuild myself. I've neglected Bible reading for a long time, and it's a habit I would like to return to.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Post 30: On Dating and Courting

A couple weeks ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. I will refrain from going into detail about the relationship and the events involved for this post, although I may write about that another time. There was a great deal of joy and pain in the relationship, and I was greatly enlightened by all of it.

Before the relationship happened, I had largely come to believe that there was no chance for anyone to want to date me. Why would they? I'm hardly ugly, but I'm no stunning beast either. As my ex-girlfriend and others have said, I'm introverted to a degree. Normally when there is a large group of people, they will naturally divide into smaller circles of friends. I on the other hand am what I call a "floater" - I mostly stay to myself, walking amongst the groups. Friends and family repeatedly affirm that I do have a strong compassionate streak, however when there is too much open emotion or I'm in a bad mood, I grow impatient, weary, and cease showing emotion or expressing empathy. I have intense passion for computer programming and Star Trek, both which are turn offs to the common gal. Overall, I'm just weird. Yet someone existed that looked past all that and found the good in me to be attractive. So I'm not undateable as I used to think.

In the relationship before this one, I barely knew the name of the young woman and didn't actually know what to do as a boyfriend. The result: on the first day I followed her everywhere before classes, on the second day I avoided her completely, by the end of the week we weren't talking, by the end of the month we broke up. She didn't speak to me another six months. From all this I got the belief I had no romantic skills. That I couldn't make for a good boyfriend. Such seemingly natural skills for normal people - not present in an abnormal person like me.

How wrong that was! After initial hesitation I became very close with my then girlfriend and over time I discovered a side of myself I did not realize could possibly exist. One of strong feeling, ridiculous humor, hugs and kisses, and a love of cuddling. I broke physical, mental, and emotional barriers that had been set up by years of self-doubt and inexperience.

I think above all, I believed I was a failure at relationships, someone who would just never be able to find a girlfriend and have a life-long relationship, although I've long assumed someday I would have a wife. Through the ups, and more importantly the downs, I realized that I'm not a failure at all. In fact, with the levels of knowledge, God-given wisdom, compassion, and even eccentricity stored up in me, I would make for a desirable boyfriend for any young woman seeking a partner who could bring stability, support, and love to her life. I am of a unique, good quality caliber which only young women with above average standards for themselves are likely to seek.

Would I say I've been hurt from the way the relationship ended? Possibly, but I doubt it. I clearly don't see myself as bad boyfriend material; if anything, reflecting on past experiences has bolstered my self-confidence in this area of life. Have I been changed by this? Oh yes.

When I began dating my now ex-girlfriend, I was taking a social science class. One of the topics was types of love styles. Basically, there are six different styles which people demonstrate and experience love. Everyone has a unique set of preferences:
  • Eros: beauty, sexuality, physical attraction.
  • Ludus: it's all about having fun!
  • Storge: friendship, commitment. Such lovers progress slowly.
  • Manic: you go nuts over the other person.
  • Pragma: is the other person good for day-to-day life?
  • Agape: self-sacrificial, putting what's best of the other person before your own.
I took the little quiz used to gauge one's preferences and came out as eros, storge, and agape. She came out almost exactly the same as me, which was quite pleasant. After going through what I did, I think I'm going to take a more practical, not emotional, approach to dating. I'm going to have a little more pragma in my love style.

I learned about the depths a relationship can have, even a nonsexual one (her and I were both abstinent, and I'm generally uninterested in trying to engage in sexual activity with anyone). I also learned about the levels of heartbreak that they can have when things go wrong. Wisdom has been gained from this, the kind of wisdom that most people will read and disagree with. But really, it's not like anyone ever agrees with what I say on here, right?

I spent some time researching dating. Historically speaking, it has only appeared in its current form for about a century. The general trend in America seems to be starting in the teen years or even younger (11 years old for me), we start to seek those in the other gender that we consider attractive. I can only speak from secondhand experience in this field as I was never much of a dater. However I can deduct that we seek others as boyfriend and girlfriend for all sorts of reasons: they have attractive personalities, they are sexually attractive, we feel lonely, we feel incomplete as a person, or they just plain out asked us out and we were acceptive. But there's a common denominator: sex. I could rant for hours on this topic but here I will be brief. It has become acceptable for teens and young adults to have sex and that's one of the end goals of most relationships. It happens at some point. In nonreligious and religious secondary schools alike, there is often that statistics where most enter as virgins and exit sexually active. Those who aren't sexually active are teased to some extent for it; I know I have been a good many times. Yes, there are those who for whatever reason, commonly but not necessarily religious reasons, make it clear they're not interested in that. Such relationships, don't seem to last long.

Dating is an evolution, and I daresay a degrading, of an earlier practice called courting. In courting, a man sought out not a girlfriend, but a wife. Oh man, think of the commitment that requires! When he found someone suitable he did the traditional and clever things to woo her and get her hand in marriage. It's not sexual; it's practical. Now, some may call me traditional and maybe to an extent I am. I appreciate values such as modesty, respect of authority, helping others, saying "please" and "thank you," apologizing when I make a mistake, and not treating women as sex objects but rather fellow competent humans. At the same time, I reject traditions that I find irrelevant or unnecessary. I suppose it is the respect I have of these particular traditions, or maybe just plain common sense, that makes me want to get into courting, not dating.

Now, I may not be the kind to buy boxes of chocolate and roses (or maybe I am?) but I want to add more courting qualities to my ventures with the opposite gender. And that starts at the level of practicality. Right now I am twenty years old, carrying a part-time job and attending community college. Dating is for satisfying current desires, emotional and otherwise. Courting is for satisfying the long-term desire for romantic companionship. That means marriage. Am I ready for marriage? At this time, definitely not. And what does dating get me? A temporary fix, nothing more. I have decided that I'm not going to pursue romance with women until I'm out of college with a good job and ready to settle down with someone. I already have some ideas of what makes for a proper mate for me and as time goes on I will doubtlessly add more and change what is already there.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Post 29: Twenty: Start of a New Decade of Life

My twentieth birthday is upon us and I figured I would post about it. I'll present the chronological events first, then my thoughts on it.

The day before, August 2nd, I realized that I was turning 20 and began wondering what I wanted to do with the next decade of my life, but I'll elaborate on that later. The morning of my birthday was fairly normal. Work has been unusually busy recently despite the fact we're in a drought, when it would make more sense to stay home. Today was a relatively slow day, which enabled me to act a little slower and joke around a bit more. I received plenty of "Happy birthday"s and looks of amazement when I say I'm turning 20 (I look like I'm 18).

Observing that I hadn't yet received any presents for my birthday, one of my coworkers borrowed markers from another coworker and surprised me with the picture of a slice of cake drawn on a napkin. I thought it was really neat, even though the flame was purple.

I get home and tell my girlfriend of six months, Breanna, that I was home so she could come over. She wanted to visit for my birthday and my parents didn't object. They really like her. My mother suggested I take a shower so I did so. Unexpectedly, Breanna arrives while I'm still in the shower. She and my mom begin chatting while my mother braids her hair. I get out and sit in the living room with them. Recently I've begun wearing tank tops (aka muscle shirts or wifebeaters) because I've seen Breanna wear them and with the kind of 100-degree weeks we've been having lately, I needed something that is semi-decent yet ventilated. At first they're quite itchy but now I'm getting used to it. You know how in the movies, there comes that time when the mother busts out the baby pictures and shows them to the girlfriend? That happened today, and I was not embarrassed by it. I was, however, a little displeased with how I looked between the ages of 11-15.

My father comes home from work and my parents leave for Wal-Mart to get me a cake and a present. I've really been wanting a black fedora but alas they could not find them. They come home and reveal they've bought me a 4 gigabyte memory card for my cell phone much to my nerdy delight. Later on, card problems result in me having my mother's 8 gigabyte card! Our dinner is hot dogs and French fries.

It was originally intended that me and Breanna would head to her church for Wednesday afternoon service however her grandma had some family issues that needed to be attended to and she was low on gas, so it was decided Bre would hang out at my place until sundownWhen my mother's ghost-themed shows started coming on at 6, my father went upstairs into their bedroom to rest and watch the stuff he likes. We spent the evening cuddled up, watching TV with my mother, and playing Farkle. I intermittently logged onto the Internet from my phone. I've had some 30 birthday wishes from friends and family today. Shortly after 9 Bre went home. We hugged and kissed in the living room, to which my mother just had to make a tease. Now my parents have officially seen me kiss a young woman.

Back to what I was considering. My twenties are perhaps the most influential years of my life. What I do in the next decade will largely decide what the rest of my life is. I have big plans for myself and in these next few years I'm going to make it or break it. This is the time in which I join the rest of society, bringing to the table my eccentric way of living and looking at things. I asked myself, "What do I want to do by the time I'm 30?" and here are a few ideas:
  • Register to vote. I  could have this done by next week. I wanted to register when I turned 18 but I never quite got around to it. I want to get this done. I believe that as an American citizen voting is an important right to utilize. This is a nation "of the People, by the People, for the People" (Lincoln, Gettysburg Address) and since the government is chosen by the People, I want to have a say in what our leadership is. My political alignment is strange: I'm socially conservative (I believe the government should uphold traditional, in this case Christian, values) yet economically liberal (I believe the government should have an active role in the economy and helping the needy). I've used the term centrist to describe myself and also socialist to a lesser degree. The true term, as I found out, is "populist." Registering to vote can be done on the Internet in what seems like a few minutes.
  • Get my driver's license. Pretty important since I'm moving three hours' worth away in a year for university. Also, get a car.
  • Graduate university. With a Bachelor's of Science in computer science.
  • Get a job I love. As a computer programmer of some sort.
  • Start my own company. If I can't find a satisfying job, I'll make a little Web programming company. It will primarily do browser-based multiplayer games like OGame, World of Warcraft, and so on. I have some game ideas I'd like to write.
  • Buy a house for myself. I really don't know where I'm going to live after university, wherever the jobs are. But I want to buy a house for myself and have a stable place to live. Of course, my parents own our current house so in later years I could probably move into this one.
  • Get married. I've never considered getting married because that's just not something I can schedule. But as a married coworker told me today, I shouldn't put that off too long. I work with men in their late forties and fifties who never married. I see marriage not as a constraint but rather a blessing.
So my presents this year:
  • $25 dollar check from my grandparents.
  • A card from said grandparents.
  • A drawn cake on a napkin. 
  • A card from my grandmother on the other side of the family.
  • A card from my girlfriend, who forgot to bring it with. 
  • A 4 GB memory card from my cell phone, which ended up being an 8 gig card due to technical issues.
  • An anime-style picture of me and Bre popping out of a cake drawn by a very talented friend.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Post 28: New Cell Phone Gets Awesomer

About a month ago I bought myself a new cell phone to replace my old but faithful Motorola W376G. My new phone is a Samsung SGH-T404G with service provided by StraightTalk. It is a prepaid phone like its predecessor however it has a bucketload of more features.

The things that really got my attention were the unlimited texting and Internet access. With my old phone I did not text many people very often because I needed to preserve the units that I had. Even then I would routinely exhaust all of them before the 90-day extension period was complete. However now I have the ability to text as much as I want without worrying about running out of minutes. I have gone from texting basically one person to as many as three or four some days.

Unlimited Internet is what also caught me. If it weren't already known about me, I'm a big user of the Internet. I spend several hours a day surfing the Web. So to get this phone with the unlimited Internet access enables me to do this when I'm on the go. I can use my cell phone as an alternate to my home computer. This is good for two reasons: first, we have a limited amount of bandwidth we're allotted each month by the phone company. I want to try and move most of my browsing to my cell phone, which doesn't quite have this restriction. Secondly, whenever I turn on my computer, there is almost always a period when I will lose Internet connection. This affects at least one other computer in the house. Plus the occasional instance when signal is randomly lost for no reason. My cell phone has much stabler connection.

As it turns out, though, there is actually a cap to how much data I can use. Uploading, downloading, and streaming of audio, video, and games is prohibited. This cap is essentially designed so that people do not bog down the wireless network by using so much bandwidth that they slow down the overall network. What does this mean to an epic Internet user to me? Not much as long as I am not constantly surfing the Web and downloading games all the time.

I haven't done much downloading since I bought the phone. I tried a couple games but they would not work right so I deleted those. I also acquired a couple free Daft Punk ringtones. But there is one gem that I've found which has totally changed the way I surf the Web on my phone: Opera Mini. Now mind you, I'm already a devout user of the regular Opera browser. It runs pretty fast and at this point I'm used to it. I knew that Opera had a mobile browser and I decided to check it out.

I was not disappointed. After a quick few minutes of fully adjusting to the interface I was able to start browsing the Web. It's truly amazing how much faster sites load and how they are easier to navigate. The browser seems to automatically detect what sites have mobile versions for people like me and use those. For sites that don't it displays them zoomed out and has a little mouse I can move around and zoom in with. Combined with the landscape mode for displaying things, which works conveniently with my slider phone, it makes things much easier to navigate. I have a list of bookmarks that I can use to quickly find my more frequent destinations. The beauty of Opera Mini that makes it run so fast, as I've found out, is that it compresses the data it received to lower the amount of data transfered, thereby increasing speed. It all runs through a dedicated Opera Mini server which does the magic. Some may see this as a security issue but I don't really mind Opera knowing my surfing habit. It's not like they'll really care anyway. The site claims that Opera Mini uses a mere 10% of the bandwidth of other browsers. I don't know the exact percentage for my phone but I imagine it's way less than what the built-in browser was using.

So here I am, a text messaging, Web surfing phone lover. I pay $45 a month for unlimited features on a nice phone. I've only found three downsides:
  1. No YouTube. Flash is not supported on my cell phone.
  2. No Internet radio.
  3. I can't find a way to get my music from my computer to the cell phone.
Nonetheless, with the addition of Opera my phone is aweeeesome.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Post 27: Kansas, Year Two

This is five days late but hey, it's been two years that I've lived in Kansas! In that time I've found a new game to be addicted to (Minecraft), got my first girlfriend in four years, bought myself a nice new computer, and most recently a new cell phone!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Post 26: Re-Examing My Beliefs?

Over the past three and a half years I have followed the beliefs of the Pentecostal denomination of Christianity. Pentecostals emphasize the supernatural side of the faith, rooting this in the events of Pentecost as laid out in Acts 2. However in the past year I've also begun learning the beliefs of the Southern Baptist denomination which doesn't quite stress supernatural events as much as the fact that one is saved by faith. I've also dabbled in Catholic and Messianic Jewish views. This has given me several different perspectives on what the Bible teaches.

What I'm thinking I may do some day is undergo personal study to figure out what seems most logical about things such as the Rapture, the Trinity, whether or not God is still giving out spiritual gifts like speaking in tongues and prophesy like He did in the beginning, what the meaning behind speaking in tongues is and the ways it ought to be used, the end times and how Revelation plays out, and other things that I could think of. A friend of mine is Christian, very intelligent, very faithful, yet he seems to deviate from the standard accepted believes of Protestants in a couple areas. I feel I should likewise examine for myself what the Bible says. I tend to interpret the Bible in a literal sense where possible so that alone could make me differ from Pentecostal teachings. I will need to do this some time in the future. Right now, I'm too busy with college.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Post 25: Here We Go Again: Summer and Fall Classes

Let me tell you a little bit about my past. When I finished high school in 2009, I had planned to attend a local university and graduate by 2013 with my bachelor's degree in computer science. Then I learned I would be moving to Kansas after I graduated and settled on attending University of Kansas where again, I would spend four years there and then graduate in 2013. But things went weird. The start date of the fall 2009 semester for KU was in August, awfully close to my June 28 arrival in Kansas. I had also heard about there being a community college that I could attend in the city I was moving to.

I decided that I would wait for six months until my citizenship in Kansas was made official so that tuition costs would be cheaper. Hence my decision to forego the fall 2009 semester. I would simply take a few months off of school and work. Things got a little complicated. I did most of my preparation for college from home and made lots of phone calls. Unfortunately, the financial aid department answered their phones quite rarely and I estimated that about 10% of all the calls and messages I left were ever returned. After missing an important financial aid deadline in December of 2009 I found I would not be able to go for a spring 2010 semester.

Several months later I get a ride from one of my friends who is a fellow student at the college to plan out my fall 2011 classes. I take a standardized test and get my grades immediately. There were three fields: math, reading, and writing. My grades were all 95 and higher. However my math grade in particular, a 98 as I recall, was the highest the woman officiating the test had ever seen. I scored so high that I tested out of needing to take college algebra and could go straight into calculus. I talk with the woman and get my classes for fall 2010 settled. I also decide to take an online class for the summer: HTML. It did teach me quite a bit however I've been doing Web coding since high school as a hobby so it's a breeze for me.

Fall 2010 comes around and I do exceptionally well, scoring a GPA over 3.8. This semester was the first time in a year that I set foot in a classroom. All of my other friends that had gone to college were already in their sophomore years of high school. I had taken a gap year between high school and college, working in order to save money for my advanced education.

Spring 2011 was also a good semester. Most of it was online although I had one afternoon class. There were two times when I suffered burnout and struggled to maintain a decent pace. However I wrapped things up at the end and surprised myself in two classes in particular. Macroeconomics was very hard for me and I missed on two assignments. Nonetheless, I found the 14-question final exam to be a relative breeze. About a week ago I was with my advisor planning my next sets of classes and the instructor for macroeconomics asked if I would become a tutor for the class, stating that I did amazingly well in the class! The other was sociology. There was a term paper I needed to do and I didn't get it done until the day it was due. I didn't think that the paper would be any good but I was greatly pleased and surprised when I discovered I had an 85 on it! Overall this was a successful semester and I scored a perfect 4.0 GPA, making it onto the Presidental Honor Roll.

(Please pardon me if my writing style is somewhat bland. I've been reading Kings and Chronicles from the Old Testament and, well, those are hardly exciting books.)

During that aforementioned meeting with my advisor I planned out the rest of my classes for the summer and fall 2011 semesters. All but two of them will be totally online; the others will require me to go to the campus once or more per week. At least three of them will be relatively simple for me as I already have some knowledge in the subjects:
  • Calculus, which I took in high school;
  • American government, something that I learned up on as a hobby during my younger years. I know a fair deal about the Constitution and what it says;
  • Java programming. I know several other scripting and programming languages to some extent (including JavaScript, PHP, C++, and Python) so this will be easy.
As of December 8, 2011, I will complete my education at community college and receive my Associate's of Science degree for computer science. From there I am going to transfer to one of two universities, although I have not decided which one yet: Kansas University, my original choice, or Kansas State University. The deciding factor is going to be the computer science program. I want to go to the one that will best maximize the chances of me getting a job in programming. I have not yet found a way to measure this so I have yet to make a choice. By this point in time my college-bound friends will be in their junior years of college and perhaps moved on from their community colleges to universities. I will finish community college a semester early due to a combination of college credits earned in high school and summer courses, but I will remain a year behind my peers - not that it is of any bother to me.

I also want to find a computers company in whichever city I move to (be it Lawrence for KU or Manhattan for KSU) that will take a university student with an AS degree so that I can work while I'm at university. This will serve the double purpose of providing an income and providing experience. Then I will either find a new place to work or continue there. Either way, I intend on settling in my own place of residence somewhere and beginning my adult life.

This December date makes things seem suddenly closer than before. I have yet to decide on which university to attend; I've also yet to get a driver's license. I need both of these things to move out of my current city and go to higher education. Fall 2011 will have five classes, more than I've ever done before. It's going to be hectic but I believe that with patience, planning, and prayer I'll make it through with great results.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Post 24: What Is Your Purpose in Life?

What is your purpose in life?

I consider one of the most important things a person needs to have in life to be a purpose. Unless you feel that your existence has some kind of meaning, that there is some ultimate goal you are working for, what are you really doing with yourself?

People inherently want to know that there is some reason behind why they are on this Earth. That’s why we have chased so many things throughout history: power, wealth, love, friendship, knowledge, and so on. When there is that feeling of meaninglessness, discouragement and depression sets in. The lack of a purpose is why people have committed suicide – after all, they were just taking up space and breathing air that could be put to “better” use.

I know my purpose in life. My #1 reason for living is to have a relationship with God, the Creator of the universe. This also means obeying his commands out of faith and his will for my life. One part of his will is for me to engage in ministry. This will most likely result in me working as some sort of youth pastor working with teenagers and young adults, although I could end up doing other forms of ministry such as evangelization and apologetics (defense of the faith).

In addition to this, I’m also working to complete my college education and get at least a Bachelor’s Degree in computer science, then land a job as a programmer of some sort. Plus I’m a writer who desires to complete a very long story, and I’m working on chapter four right now. I also want to learn how to play bass guitar which could then be used for worship services. Meaning, for me, is found in what I want to do in life (or more accurately, what God wants for my life). I want to serve God through these various facets of life.

One of the most unfortunate things I see in this world is people who are devoid of ambition. Perhaps disappointment and past failure has caused them to give up on trying to do something big in life. Perhaps they believe they are too old, of the wrong gender, of the wrong race, of the wrong social class, ad nauseum, and they just can’t do it. So they just exist and contribute their bare minimum to society. They may do things like attend high school, go to work, hang out with friends, attend Sunday morning church services, but they make no real progress. They don’t advance themselves in any meaningful way. They lack ambition, the drive to do great things.

This kind of apathy is all too common. Despite the amazing technology all around us we have stagnated. I want to see this changed. No more of people sitting around doing nothing because they believe they have no meaning in life. I think it’s important to use our lives efficiently.

Do you feel purposeless? Well then, here is some advice. Find out what you really love in life and go headlong into it. Make for yourself a big goal that you wouldn’t think would normally be accomplishable by you. Then go for it! If you complete it, then make another big goal and attack it! These goals could be concrete ones which have a definite point of completion, or they could be perpetual goals which are repeated throughout life. They will often be used to advance one another. Bonus points if you can make the goals intricately woven together, but that’s not required.

One of my perpetual goals is to be a good Christian (although in a sense it’s a concrete goal since I would complete this goal when I go to Heaven; of course, this thinking makes all goals concrete ones!) and one of the assisting perpetual goals is to have a consistent habit of reading my Bible daily. I can use a concrete goal to accomplish this by setting a daily time for reading. Or bass guitar: I’m going to start by learning acoustic guitar first and I’ve achieved a concrete goal by acquiring one, but now I need new strings for it – another concrete one. Then once I’ve sufficiently learned that I can shift to bass.

If you need a purpose in life, may I suggest becoming a follower of Christ? That must sound terribly uninteresting, but stop to think about it. Where else (if you find the right group of people) can you find such a sense of ultimate meaning, love, and community? Indeed, if it weren’t for my fellowship with other believers, I would have very likely never made the amount of friends I have here, because I’m definitely a homebody. I’m sure that adopting faith and really going for it would be a very satisfying thing.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Post 23: Survived that One!

Yes, another blog entry about the supposed 21 May Rapture. Look at a different blog entry on here if you'd rather not read this. :D

I had read something about this prediction several months beforehand but I gave little attention to it. It wasn't until the day before the predicted Rapture was to take place that CNN and possibly other news outlets started talking about it. It was annoying that they were saying it was "the end of the world," when it wasn't. According to Mr. Camping's theory, the end of the world was to be 5 months later.

Although I figured that it wouldn't take place, a little bit of me felt a little alerted. It was a good kick in the rear that Jesus's return could happen at any time. The Rapture is a doctrine of Protestant Christianity stating that Jesus will return to the Earth and take up all true Christians with him in Heaven. This idea was developed in the late 1700s and early 1800s. Due to this rather recent inception of the doctrine, I don't totally believe it anymore. I've only done a little research about it, but the Scriptures that support it could easily be used to describe the Second Coming at the end of the seven-year Tribulation. In fact, in the book of the prophet Isaiah there is a mention of it that mixes it with the Second Coming. Roman Catholics, who have been around for much longer than Protestants, don't believe in any sort of Rapture.

Another thing: the Rapture is said to be something so major that everyone in the world will know when it's happening and it will be immediate. But Mr. Camping said it would happen at 6 PM of each timezone. If that were so, it would give people in later timezones warning that they were going to be Raptured since I'm sure news outlets would announce the major disasters taking place in Raptured nations. So much for "like a thief in the night."

I was watching a program on television a few weeks ago called "Discovering the Jewish Jesus." The host, Rabbi K. A. Schneider, is a Messianic Jew which means he maintains Jewish traditions but observes the New Covenant (i.e., saved by faith and not by observing Mosaic Law). His show often shows how the Old and New Testaments are analogous, with parts of the OT prophesying and foreshadowing what would happen in the NT. He showed an interesting correlation between Moses leading the Hebrews out of Egypt and the End Times. Exodus 5-14 show a very stubborn Pharaoh refusing to release the Hebrews, who had become the slaves of the society. Thus in order to persuade the leader, God sent down ten plagues upon Egypt until finally the Hebrews were allowed out.

The Hebrews were still present in the nation of Egypt while the plagues were taking place. According to Rabbi Schneider, this event is representative of what the End Times will be like. As best as I can recall, he implicitly agrees with the Catholic notion of no Rapture. The Hebrews weren't removed from Egypt until after the plagues were finished. Likewise, the Christians and Messianic Jews of the last days will not be taken into Heaven until Christ's Second Coming.

I'm sure that there were people who heard about the 21 May Rapture and became believers or otherwise rededicated their lives to Christ. I imagine some of them were disappointed when it did not occur and have already abandoned that faith. Non-believers have doubtlessly mocked the event the whole time and now, thanks to this farce of a prophesy, they are now even more stubbornly hardened against God. I came across this amusing comment on the Interwebs: "Mr. Camping should be thankful that he lives under the New Testament economy. Under the OT economy and Torah law, he’d of found himself under a big pile of rocks, suffering the fate of a false prophet." (Source here.)

Despite all of this, I was enlightened to the impending return of Christ. I've long held that my life is one big bet: that Christianity is true and Jesus is coming soon. If it's false, then oh well. I won't know until I'm dead, and since I won't be conscious due to lack of an afterlife I won't regret it. If I'm right then I lucked out big time. I personally believe that the Second Coming is really soon. I'm a couple months away from being 20, and I feel I may not make it to 40 before Jesus comes again. So while I still have the time, I need to get myself into gear and try to strengthen my faith and relationship with God.

On a related note, I came across a website showing statistical analysis of prophesies listing when the Rapture and Second Coming could take place. Don Koenig admits that his predictions may be off by millenia but the numbers are fascinating and they show that things are about to get very serious very soon.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Post 22: Obligations

I'm the sort of person who doesn't mind taking on more responsibilities, especially in areas that I enjoy and have skills in. Over the past month or so I've found out that I have way too many responsibilities. I am required to do certain things in certain ways in many areas of life, and it is getting very tiring.
  • At work, there are some basic things that I have to do: wash tables, sweep floors, change garbage, sweep parking lot, mop the floor, wash windows, do dishes, and whatever else may be required of me. I typically have 3-4 hour shifts although it's historically been common for me to be around an extra half hour getting work done.
  • School, which is now ending, put on me great deals of pressure to get schoolwork done and it would take up several hours of every day.
  • Home, I've discovered my parents have some... rather harsh... rules for me to follow. This is actually a blog post in itself but I'll forego it. Then I have my biweekly chores, which aren't that tough.
  • In church, I have been known as the one member of youth group and Sunday school (for teens) that would always show up. Always. I go primarily because I know it's in my best interests, but I also sort of see it as my duty to be there to provide that stability. When my youth group has activities or fundraisers, I'm quick to offer assistance. Recently there was a fundraiser where we sold Little Caesar's pizza kits and getting buyers then distributing the kits was a major hassle.
  • In my Christian life, I try to live as godly a life as possible. It's not like my good works will earn me favor, it's just that I find it a reasonable act of duty. After all, God did make us so his standards are generally the best to follow. That, and he paid a pretty hefty price (his own Son) to secure my salvation.
  • Just now, I discovered how underdeveloped my website (http://shawntc.x10hosting.com) is and I feel compelled to work on it.
I am at that point where I just don't want to have these responsibilities and obligations anymore. It is akin to that rebellious teenager stage, where the 14-year-old is screaming "I'm an adult now! Stop telling me what to do, you don't know anything about my life!" Being told what to do and how to do it is becoming irksome. I have been bound by a lot of things in the past several weeks and I'm in need of liberation. And indeed I have been making efforts to bring about this liberation.

This is not to say that I'm making plans to sneak out in the middle of the night or start skipping out on church. That's not how I roll. Rather, I'm coming to understand that things don't need to be perfect and I can choose to say "No." As in, although my website is incomplete and it's nagging me to work on it, I will not commit myself to that until I have sufficient time. (Although in the past I have considered dedicating an hour each Monday to website development.) I am very punctual when it comes to showing up to church on time, but since it's not absolutely mandatory I be there at 9:30 AM sharp for Sunday school, I won't beat myself up for being a minute or so late. Even though it is highly advisable to live as holy a life as possible, I'm not going to be too concerned that I never ever ever sin. Basically, I'm going to give myself a break and allow myself to be a little bit of a mess up.

    Tuesday, April 5, 2011

    Post 21: Is the Hard Work Worth It?

    No matter what job you're at, what church you go to, or what school you learn from, there's normally at least one person who is at least a little more advanced than the rest. Maybe he's the tireless worker or she's the devout believer or the star pupil. This person has an uncanny excellence that others love about him or her.

    I am that person, more or less in all three aspects presented. At work, I'm noted and loved for being a hard worker and respecting of those around me. I was made employee of the month after six months and was given the highest pay raise during our last work performance reviews. In my church, I'm probably one of the smarter ones insofar as understanding my faith and developing it, considering my age. I'm also one of the core members of my youth group, which has about seven consistent members including myself. My college grades are all A's and I have at least a 3.6 GPA. When I graduated high school, I was #3 in a class of 249. I'm punctual and do try to participate a little in classes. I try to complete assignments on time and do as best as I can.

    I suppose you could say I've been pretty successful in everything I've done. Partly, this is due to God-given talent and ability to learn things quickly then remember and apply it. But I also think that it's part of how I was raised. My parents always stressed the importance of schoolwork. I was expected to finish my homework before I could watch TV or play on the computer. In high school, when anything below a 92 was abnormal for me, my mother's facial expressions seemed to thinly veil a feeling of disapproval. Her first husband would, upon seeing my sixth grade report card sporting A's and A+'s with star-shaped stickers, applaud my good work but then always add, "You can do better" as a sort of way to motivate me even though I would tell him that it hurt my feelings.

    As a result, I pushed myself hard. I didn't like it when I had a grade in the 80's (and those were uncommon anyway until senior year of high school). This drive to excel was also fueled by what seemed to be the entire goal of doing well in school: to get into college and get a good job. I had been instilled with the idea that if I don't do well in school, then no colleges would accept me and I would have a mediocre life at best. The school system and my parents put in me the belief that it was of the utmost importance to do the best I could in high school because it would shape the rest of my natural life. So, me being me, I accepted that belief and lived by it. To further the issue, I saw school as a competition where my life and honor were at stake. I had to be #1. I had to get to the top or else I would have no recognition from college or industry. But I never did make it to the title of top dog. About junior or senior year I began to wisen up and realize that it wasn't that big of a deal, but not until I graduated did I fully understand how much I overdid it.

    Still, that instinctual urge to be great in everything I do did not and has not left me. When I became Christian I had a desire to be an active, actual Christian instead of someone who carries the name and acts it on Sunday morning. It hasn't left me and as a result after three and a half years, I've developed faith and intelligence about my religion that would require the typical person at least 5-6 years, if not more. As is stands, the majority of the people who know me have only seen the Christian me. They never saw the pervert, the atheist. Of course, it probably involves the fact that I've been in Kansas for two years and lost contact with most of my high school friends.

    But the question I ask is, "Why?" When I'm already such an above average person, why do I continue to press myself to meet unrealistically high standards? Why am I so unforgiving of myself when I mess up or slack off? I guess what I mean is, it's unnecessary for me to do what I do. I could actually degrade a fair bit and still be ahead of the crowd. What is is that stops me from letting go, chilling out, and maybe (gasp!) bending or breaking a rule every now and then?

    One response harkens back to the way I was brought up. The "be the best" mentality is stuck in me. As is another credo that was introduced to my life during my teen years, which was to do what you were told without exception. You do it or there will be consequences. Don't we all face that? Yet for various reasons I took that to heart more closely than most people do. We were not to have our cell phones turned on during school hours therefore I would rarely leave mine on. At work we are supposed to do what our employers tell us, therefore I carry it out as accurately and completely as I reasonably can. And indeed I am rewarded for these things. Yet the rewards may not be worth the costs. Think about it: granted I work during the busiest hours of the day, but should four hours of wiping tables, sweeping floors, changing garbage, and doing dishes exhaust me like it so often does? No, but it does.

    I'm a bit of a MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) addict and as I've stated in previous posts, I have an ISTJ personality. I think that the schools and my family life has molded me in a way that would make me like an ISTJ, and it succeeded. As a whole we're very thorough and detailed. In school this meant learning even the most minute relevant fact and holding onto it forever; in work, it meant not even a single crumb remains on a table. We are obedient; we understand and respect the chain of command and would not normally do anything to violate it. We try to be people of integrity and consider our words to be as binding as a written contract. We are the cogs of society, which sometimes leads to us being faceless numbers in the mass. Or consider another organizing scheme I've recently encountered, which is the World of Warcraft character alignment system. I'm a Lawful Neutral (with high Lawful Good traits) which means I follow a code of law - in this case, Biblical standards - as best as I can. (Incidentally, my girlfriend is a Chaotic Good and I think she's a good match for me. Her free-spirited nature helps me loosen up and be a little nicer.) I also have that drive to do things well and do them right, so I'm not one to cut corners.

    Yet despite a seeming drive to do things the good old fashioned way, I do have a strong individualist streak. Depending on the scale you use, I have near-genius or genius thinking skills. I could choose to do what would seem to help and break from this structured way of being, to be more free and haphazard. Instead of doing a term paper a week before it's due, why not wait until four days remain to get started? Why not go ahead and go an entire week without reading my Bible? I already know more of it than the average 19 year old believer anyways. My salvation isn't hinged upon how many chapters I can memorize. Some people care more about how you achieve a goal than actually achieving it. I emphasize achieving the goal, but I also stress a great deal over the manner it's done. Perhaps I should make my life a little simpler by stressing over it less. Be a little inefficient.

    Monday, April 4, 2011

    Post 20: Three Days of No Minecraft!

    I'm going to take a step away from my normally deep, thought-provoking (you can read that in a sarcastic tone if you wish) and tell you about something I did over this weekend. If you view my Twitter updates then you realize I'm hardcore addicted to Minecraft. That posed a problem to me. I would just log into it and do nothing really for periods of time instead of either being productive in real life or working on projects in the game. So I made a decision that, for three days, I would not do anything related to that game. I would not play it, I would not visit websites associated with it, I would not watch videos of it, nothing. I started that Friday, 1 April, and would not finish until Monday, 4 April.

    As it turns out, it wasn't all that difficult! The first day I certainly had to remind myself a few times not to do my usual things and I got better quickly. This comes at a time the game had gone through an update, so I would miss the rush of new things entering the game. I got progressively better over the weekend.

    With that distraction out of the way I found plenty of free time. I got bored, a lot. I quickly got back into two of my passions that had died out in time: programming and writing. One of my dreams is to release a multiplayer browser-based space battle game and a project I've been on and off with (mostly off) is sort of a simulation of it. I spent a good deal of time building it and have accomplished a lot. It's not done and there are a few bugs but it's closer to completion now. Insofar as writing, I'm working on a project called "After Adults", and you can see it here: http://afteradults.blogspot.com. Although I didn't do any writing I've gotten lots more planning of it done. I'm using actual cities for the setting but for a couple of them I may need to silently skip or even reuse places - author's prerogative, a wonderful thing.

    Yet even with all that being done there were lots of times when I was just sitting at the computer idly viewing the same websites over and over. I did accomplish a lot more school stuff than I have recently but I don't care much for the classes so I sort of put those off to last. I pushed myself a little bit with those.

    About the third and last day of no Minecraft I looked at another game I had tried downloading a few times but got discouraged given the size of the download file (1.25 GB!): "Genesis AD". I thought it was simply a variation of Halo and to a degree it is. But there's a big difference from what I've seen. The game is entirely based on PvP and from there you achieve rewards for completing missions - say, from playing on a certain field of getting a set number of kills at once. It's a first person shooter and once I got the hang of it, I found it quite nice. The main problem is that I'm so twitchy that once I start shooting, I can't keep my aim straight. Plus I have no concept of strafing while firing, and there are very few places for sniping, which is my best ability.

    Now, I'm back in the whole Minecraft thing, back to the old routine. Hopefully it won't start consuming all my time again but we've seen how that turns out!

    Friday, March 18, 2011

    Post 19: Treat Others Like They're Dying

    There is something I've noticed in people that has made me curious for years now. Consider how we normally treat people - even our friends and family in many cases - during typical day-to-day interaction. We say our hello's, banter with them for a bit with various levels of depth and intimacy with the conversations, do whatever it is we do with them, then say our goodbye's and leave. If you're with someone who's not a very close friend or even a total stranger, we may give them very brief attention or even ignore them altogether.

    I know from experience how this works. As a self-proclaimed introvert with quite a bit of evidence to back that claim up, I know a thing or two about not giving people a moment of my time. When I pass a stranger in the streets I prefer that him and I don't make eye contact or even exchange a simple "Hello." We don't know each other, and I'd rather it stay that way. On Facebook I have some 150 friends but there are maybe a dozen or two who I am in regular contact with. As for the rest, I see their names on my News Feed and maybe Like a status or two but for the most part there's little interaction. People like those are the ones who I snip from my friends list every now and then.

    Yet consider when we find out someone is sick or injured. If a stranger falls to the ground while you're out walking, are you going to at least stop and look to see if they might possibly need help? I do that when something seems odd. Or a stronger example: recently a friend of mine had her molars removed and she was in pain for a couple days. A couple of our mutual friend were offering to help her however they could. Or an even stronger example: someone has been diagnosed with a form of cancer or leukemia. Everyone is suddenly jumping to provide any assistance they can. (I'm not trying to downplay the seriousness of any form of disease or suffering. I am using the way people are there to support for a point I'm about to make.) But when that friend's scars heal or when the cancer patient either goes into remission or passes on, there comes a period when people think, "They're all set; they don't need further help."

    Can you see this stark difference between apathy and compassion? Bar my select few, I like others probably won't be so apt to help others because from my POV, they're adequately self-sufficient. Why offer more to someone who seems to have enough? But then, when it becomes obvious the other person is as much a fragile human being and their fragility is revealed through a malign tumor or shed tear, some tiny ounce of compassion shows itself.

    Why we do this is something that's long made me curious. We can almost be downright cruel to each other then suddenly flip to the utmost compassion. I think we should always have compassion on each other, don't you think? Even when someone outwardly fine, who knows what kind of inside troubles they are experiencing? I have problems that I tell very few people. We all have situations which are best left unsaid to others and we only reveal when prodded for information. To show that kind of love to others just because they're freaking humans just like us - that would scare some people! I have given people compliments throughout the years and they would literally sit there not knowing how to receive it. Yet what if that typical coldness we show, in various degrees, to others were replaced by a warmth, a compassion, an act that means "I give a darn about you!" even if it's just saying "Good morning" to that person you pass in the streets. Even for a self-proclaimed introvert such as myself, that's hardly a difficult task. The post is called "Treat Others Like They're Dying" because when people are in the final stretch of their lives and passing on is approaching, or when they're fighting a disease and they don't know if they'll live through it, we get so loving toward them. Why not be that way with everyone, all the time.

    Thursday, January 13, 2011

    Post 18: Minecraft Hits 1 Million Purchases

    Notch (http://www.twitter.com/notch) is pretty well set. On 12 January, 2011 at 3:34 PM CST, Minecraft reached one million sales. Of over three million people who have registered accounts for the game, over a third have bought copies of the latest edition of it. His gross income from it is something like 15 million dollars, although after PayPal's tax, he has still earned over six million dollars!

    Did I mention that the game is unfinished? It's still in beta stage, meaning that things are still being worked out. Of course, his definition of the word "beta" must be different than what the rest of the gaming industry things. Today, he added several new things to Minecraft: squid, dyes, bugfixes, and other things. He is making amazing progress and he's not even done. Kudos to you, Notch.

    Monday, January 3, 2011

    Post 17: I Got Sidetracked...

    One of the things I hoped to achieve during this winter break was to be productive. I like to have a structured day wherein I would have specific periods of time dedicated to something. Sort of like how school had those 40-minute periods for each class. On my private wiki I've developed for myself a master schedule that accounts for typical deviations from a normal day. I have three "classes" if you will on there: Devotional, which is when I do my Bible studying; Programming, when I teach myself some programming language (currently PHP); and Creative Writing, when I let my creative side run. The Devotional period lasted a half hour while the other two were an hour long.

    I was satisfied with this and started going with it. My first task in Programming was to complete my knowledge of JavaScript, which I did by learning about the many properties and methods for various object types. I also spent a day learning some basic and not-so-basic SQL, which is used to play with databases. Now I'm slowly crawling through PHP, which is used to put things on a Web page before the user sees it. In Creative Writing I completed the first chapter of "After Adults", a sort of post-apocalyptic series. Check it out at http://afteradults.blogspot.com. Then I moved on to a "Ben 10" fan-fiction that's been in my head for a long time.

    Yet somehow, I fell out of the schedule after a little over a week. This seems to happen to me a lot. Without some external source giving me a schedule, like they did in school, I just can't seem to stay in a self-imposed routine for more than a week. In this case, I believe I know why. I got writer's block and decided, "I'll take a couple days off to refresh myself, then come back and continue." It's been six days now and I haven't gone back to it. I also ran into a bunch of things in PHP that I couldn't wrap my brain around. Instead of letting those slow me down I figured I'd come back to those when I was done going through the rest of the methods. I'm learning about the various commands that PHP has for arrays (arrays are difficult for me to explain in layman's terms - Google it) and well, compared to JavaScript, there are a lot. So many that it's getting monotonous for me to write each one down and learn it when I can't see myself ever being done.

    My devotional period has not disappeared, though. It's of vital importance for me to study my Bible and I just about always spend a half hour daily on it.

    With the disappearance of these two periods from my schedule, distractions have very quickly set in. Right now my days are being absorbed by the mind crack that is called Minecraft. I'm even getting bored with that as well, yet I usually log in once a day or so in order to build some experiment. I also have a blog going with my adventures in that: http://mineventures.blogspot.com. (That's right, I have three active blogs. The fourth is hosted on Xanga but was only ever made for a school assignment.) Otherwise, I just feel bored. A lot.

    So, I think it's time for that to be fixed. I've had enough time to relax, now is my time to get back on track. I don't like wasting days because I'm not guaranteed the next one and I have things I would like to accomplish in my life. Time to get going!

    Of course, I certainly picked a heck of a time to kick myself in the rear. Spring semester of college starts in one week and now I need to start collecting textbooks. Last semester I made several mistakes. One was deciding to do all of my notes on loose-leaf paper and then put it all in a binder. Why was that a mistakes? Although I prefer to be organized, as clearly evidenced I don't do a good job of it in the long run. Eventually I started leaving papers with notes on them lying around and they got mingled with other papers and lost. Also, they were wide ruled, meaning the space between lines was the size that most paper appears to be. I prefer college ruled paper, because it gives me more lines to write on. Apparently, I don't write with very big letters. In fact, I can fit two lines of writing into the top and bottoms halves of a wide ruled paper by writing just slightly smaller. So this semester I'm stocked up on college ruled spiral notebooks. With these I will be able to keep my notes and my room tidy while cramming information in microscopic text. Anyway, to get the textbooks I'm not sure what I have to do. I may e-mail my advisor to see how to do this. I think I can just print a copy of my schedule and show the bookstore lady. She'll know what to do from there.

    Any advice on how to prep myself for another four months of school?