Saturday, January 25, 2014

Opening Up

A month or so ago I posted about trying to be more sociable with those around me. At the time I didn't have the habits needed to really open communication with anyone. The result was me generally being fairly alone.

That post was made during my college's winter break. Back home there aren't many opportunities for me to socialize. Not much to do, and there aren't very many people in my demographic there. The campus itself is where most of the work has happened. And have things happened.

My methods have been pretty simple. Say hello to people I know as I pass them if situation permits. I don't greet everyone, all the time, though. Part of me doesn't see the need for that - it'd be kind of unnatural, I feel - and another part is simple anxiety. I also use stock questions appropriate to the setting to break the ice. Normally it doesn't lead to much conversation. That's OK, I don't think it normally does.

Instead of going into a lot of detail or theory, I'll just mention a few things that stick out in my mind as successes in my attempts to be a little more, you know, human.


  • Classes require me to be up at 7 AM. One morning I was at breakfast around 7:30 and a floormate who also had an early class ended up sitting next to me. In a fairly empty dining hall, no less. Normally that would have become an awkward situation - at least for me. I decided to try what I've been attempting to learn. In my mind, the most obvious thing to note and ask about was the early time of the day. I asked her what had her up so early. The floormate answered, and a few minutes later asked why I was up at that time as well. It was only a few sentences, but it was more sentences than I would have said and heard a semester ago.
  • At my campus ministry there's a part where people are encouraged to meet someone they don't know. Usually we're given a game to play or a question to ask the person. Typically I don't get involved in this, as I'm not really one for meeting new people. This time around, though, I went to give it a shot. I was going to look for someone on the other side of the room, but a guy sitting a couple chairs away from me approached me. The ice breaker question we were given didn't lead to much conversation. So I improvised and started asking stuff you hear a lot on campus - hometown, major, school year, and religious background since it's a Christian ministry. I unexpectedly made a comment that made us both crack up. In the end, the conversation would have gone longer than the time we had to chit chat - and I was the one leading the conversation!
  • To get to the college I had to stop at a friend's place so I could ride with him to the campus. On that particular day several of his family members were over for lunch. Normally I would keep to myself and not really talk unless someone asked me something. I won't say I was a charismatic charmer, but I was a little more out of my shell than usual with it.
  • Generally I'm learning how to say hi to people more. That's a pretty useful way of opening communications.
In addition to the stuff that's progressing now, there are a couple things I also want to focus on. Something I've observed with the people on my floor is how there are these sort of cliques. Groups of people who seem to hang out with each other all day, every day. As it stands, I don't really have a clique. That's how I've always been. Instead I tend to float between groups, forming friendships with one or two members, but otherwise just going off on my own most of the time. What I would like to do is find a clique of my own to hang to. One which has both genders. Usually I'm surrounded only by guys, or only by girls. This is nice, but I don't think it's optimal.

A question I don't ask much, and would like to start asking more, is "How are you?" or some variant thereof. It seems to be a pretty common thing, and I think it would work well as a topic starter.

Then there's the ol' awkward elevator silence. I don't know if that's worth fixing or not. Elevators are usually quiet, kinda awkward anyway. It's not like I'm messing something up.

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