Opening Up

A month or so ago I posted about trying to be more sociable with those around me. At the time I didn't have the habits needed to really open communication with anyone. The result was me generally being fairly alone.

That post was made during my college's winter break. Back home there aren't many opportunities for me to socialize. Not much to do, and there aren't very many people in my demographic there. The campus itself is where most of the work has happened. And have things happened.

My methods have been pretty simple. Say hello to people I know as I pass them if situation permits. I don't greet everyone, all the time, though. Part of me doesn't see the need for that - it'd be kind of unnatural, I feel - and another part is simple anxiety. I also use stock questions appropriate to the setting to break the ice. Normally it doesn't lead to much conversation. That's OK, I don't think it normally does.

Instead of going into a lot of detail or theory, I'll just mention a few things that stick out in my mind as successes in my attempts to be a little more, you know, human.

• Classes require me to be up at 7 AM. One morning I was at breakfast around 7:30 and a floormate who also had an early class ended up sitting next to me. In a fairly empty dining hall, no less. Normally that would have become an awkward situation - at least for me. I decided to try what I've been attempting to learn. In my mind, the most obvious thing to note and ask about was the early time of the day. I asked her what had her up so early. The floormate answered, and a few minutes later asked why I was up at that time as well. It was only a few sentences, but it was more sentences than I would have said and heard a semester ago.
• At my campus ministry there's a part where people are encouraged to meet someone they don't know. Usually we're given a game to play or a question to ask the person. Typically I don't get involved in this, as I'm not really one for meeting new people. This time around, though, I went to give it a shot. I was going to look for someone on the other side of the room, but a guy sitting a couple chairs away from me approached me. The ice breaker question we were given didn't lead to much conversation. So I improvised and started asking stuff you hear a lot on campus - hometown, major, school year, and religious background since it's a Christian ministry. I unexpectedly made a comment that made us both crack up. In the end, the conversation would have gone longer than the time we had to chit chat - and I was the one leading the conversation!
• To get to the college I had to stop at a friend's place so I could ride with him to the campus. On that particular day several of his family members were over for lunch. Normally I would keep to myself and not really talk unless someone asked me something. I won't say I was a charismatic charmer, but I was a little more out of my shell than usual with it.
• Generally I'm learning how to say hi to people more. That's a pretty useful way of opening communications.

In addition to the stuff that's progressing now, there are a couple things I also want to focus on. Something I've observed with the people on my floor is how there are these sort of cliques. Groups of people who seem to hang out with each other all day, every day. As it stands, I don't really have a clique. That's how I've always been. Instead I tend to float between groups, forming friendships with one or two members, but otherwise just going off on my own most of the time. What I would like to do is find a clique of my own to hang to. One which has both genders. Usually I'm surrounded only by guys, or only by girls. This is nice, but I don't think it's optimal.

A question I don't ask much, and would like to start asking more, is "How are you?" or some variant thereof. It seems to be a pretty common thing, and I think it would work well as a topic starter.

Then there's the ol' awkward elevator silence. I don't know if that's worth fixing or not. Elevators are usually quiet, kinda awkward anyway. It's not like I'm messing something up.

[TOU] Concerned about College

This is the third post in a little post series I've come up with called "The Overworked Undergrad."

In a few days I'll be heading back to college for my fourth semester at K-State. I'm excited to be heading back, to learn more and meet up with friends I made there. But I'm also kinda freaked out about what lies ahead. A lot of it isn't exactly ideal.

Burn Out

Last semester was a a fluke academically. My grades were mostly C's. This coming from a person who typically got A's and B's in prior classes. The problem was that I simply burned out. A couple of the classes were hard for me and it took its toll emotionally. I got help for it during the last month or so of classes and learned a lot of valuable things.

I've recovered from the burnout, but I've not forgotten it. I'm worried that I'll go through it again. College is tough. Tougher than anything I've ever gone through before. I do have a bit of a plan, but I don't know if it's enough. My preparation might not be sufficient. I might still get halfway through the semester and start screwing up because of the pressure.

Ideas:

• More thoroughly plan things out, and stick to that. I was doing well in this regard last semester until I underestimated the size of some projects. Those really messed me up for the rest of the semester.
• Build a support system. I'll go more into detail about this later. I think it's possibly the biggest need I have right now.
• Reward myself! When I finish a big job or do well on an assignment, treat myself to something.
• Have "me" things to do. Stuff that can be done recreationally.

Early Bird

Due to some scheduling mishaps, I'm gonna have three 7:30 AM classes a week. This is a big source of concern for me. Yes I'm a morning person. Still, this is too early for me. My first semester at K-State there was a 7:30 lab I had to be in. That royally and unequivocally sucked. I did enjoy the feeling of being up when it finished at 9:20 AM.

This time around it's a one hour lecture, and not a two hour lab. So in that regard I might not be as fatigued by it. The class is located about ten minutes away from my dorm. To handle this early class I might just wake up at 7:00 AM, get my stuff ready, and head out. If there are any floormates or friends that are taking the class as well, I could walk there with them. Having someone to share the fatigue of an early morning helps.

 Now Hiring

Finances are a bit tight again this semester. Last semester I didn't understand how the payment system worked. I narrowly avoided getting into some serious issues. I don't want to make that mistake again. To remedy this situation, I need a job.

This is a source of possible stress for me. For one I have no guarantee I will be hired by anyone, anywhere. There are multiple job openings, without a doubt, but am I qualified for any of them? Can I fit any of them into my schedule? I want to be quick and decisive in choosing where I want to work.

There are three choices I have right now. First is as a web developer for the website. I applied to that a couple times but thus far have not been hired. Second is at an on-campus convenience store. There are (I think) three locations on campus that I could apply for. I don't mind working late nights at the branch next to my dorm. But if I end up working for one further away, I wouldn't really feel safe walking alone at 1 AM. I would also be very tired. My third option, again, is Varsity Donuts. A bit of a walk, probably wouldn't want to work nights. But it's also a relaxed vintage environment. Just the thing for me.

Hi There!

As I mentioned in my previous blog post, another thing I'm working on is being more sociable. I did a good job at making very few friends last semester. It's bit me in the butt severely. This semester I know I can and will do better. Because I've already talk about this, I won't dig any deeper into the topic.

Support Network

This is probably the biggest thing I need to work on. I have spent all of my life generally doing things solo. While I can do a lot of things alone, I can't do them all by myself. That's not a healthy expectation to put on myself. Having people to help me out is very necessary to get by in college and life. I don't think acting as a lone ranger is normally how people succeed in life.

The main purposes of a support network are having people who can help me solve problems, and hold me accountable to do what I need. Oftentimes there's fact finding that needs to be done, but I don't have the time or knowledge to find it. Instead of being left in the dust I can turn to people more knowledgeable than me. This might be something as simple as asking a friend for help with schoolwork, or seeking a tutor. I did these a little more toward the end of last semester. It's not something I totally like, but it's much better than the frustration coming with the alternative. Or it could be people I can feel comfortable talking to when under stress or worry.

Having people to hold me accountable is important. I don't like making big or uncomfortable decisions. I procrastinate on them. I tend to hope they'll work themselves out. But they don't always do. I've realized sometimes I just need a swift kick in the butt to get into action. That kick is having a group of people who I can tell, "Remind me to do X" or "Make sure I get Y done by such-and-such a time." Again, it's a bit uncomfortable to put myself in this kind of position. I think I can adjust to it, though, and ultimately it'll make life easier for me.