Motivation for College

For as long as I can remember, I always knew I was going to college one day. It was never really a question. My earliest memories of report cards comes from elementary school where I was consistently an A student. This continued all the way through high school, where my grades were high. I graduated high school ranked 3rd in a class of 249. Community college was no different, as I graduated with a 3.95 GPA. Academics were always a strong point for me.

When I transferred to Kansas State, I found things had become more difficult. The level of thinking, the sheer number of hours that was necessary to devote, all these things hurt. It's still something I have trouble with, because I'm stubborn. Recently I've begun feeling like I'm running on empty in things. To keep going, I think I need to remember my motivations.

Why College? Why Computer Science?

I don't think my parents ever pressured me into attending college. If I had decided not to take the college route, I don't think they would have held it against me. I have heard many people say college is a waste of time and money. Perhaps they are right, but I likely will not know until after I am finished with it. I am inclined to think that attending college was mainly my own choice, although perhaps I was influenced by the school system encouraging it.

I don't consider myself a computer person. In other words, I don't know much about the intricacies of how computers work. In theory I could find out the information needed to build a desktop of my own, but I have no desire to do it. I consider myself a programmer. Someone who takes ideas and instructions, and turns them into code. My passion for coding started when I was about 11 or 12, and I really latched onto it after I graduated high school. Being a programmer requires a degree of critical thinking skills that I am blessed enough to have. The title I am likely to adopt when I get a programming job is "software engineer." Programmers are in high demand in a world where computers predominate. It also pays very well. So there is this economic reason for college. A Bachelor's degree makes it more likely I will get a well-paying job somewhere. College is also where my programmer skills are being developed and refined. My skills are not as developed as they could be, even though I'm a senior. In college I have learned things I probably would never learn using online resources. I never even heard of a "data structure" before university!

Most of my life, I'd say I have lived in the lower middle class bracket. Enough to pay the bills, but not always much else. To a degree, this has been good for me. I have picked up a sort of utilitarian mindset with material possessions - if it doesn't have a useful function, I probably do not need it. I have no aspirations of living in a big old mansion by the lake. The Mercedes Benz does not appeal to me. That said... lower middle class is a very wearisome place to be for years on end. It's not something I want to have as part of my life. During the first few years following college I likely will remain in that economic bracket simply because I won't have that big a paycheck. But it is my dream to have an income that allows for a more comfortable life. Sort of my aim is to have a nice house in a safe, quiet neighborhood. If on the off chance I do become more wealthy than what I really need, I foresee myself donating to church ministries, or perhaps things like ChildFund. I might also try to endow scholarships.

So that is my goal. In the meanwhile I need something to keep me going. One of the biggest motivators is me thinking about the goal. Remembering that all of this is happening for a purpose: to graduate and get myself going in life. Doing so requires action now, and it serves as a great incentive.

What Breaks Motivation?

Of course, staying motivated can be hard in a college setting. There are plenty of times over the past three semesters I have questioned why I keep going, or why I'm not wanting to keep at it. What are the things that quell my motivation?

1. Lack of organization: If I don't know what I'm doing, it can be hard for me to find the energy to set up a plan. There might be too many things I need to do. Or I may not have all the items I need for something.

2. Distractions: Internet. People. If my energy is sapped by these things, or if they're causing my attention to be pulled in several directions, my motivation is spent.

3. Not understanding something: L. Ron Hubbard wrote in Dianetics (yes, I've read it) that confusion can result from misunderstanding a single word. Regardless of one's opinion of Hubbard's works, this sentence is true. If I fail to grasp one concept, everything else can be very confusing. And when everything escapes me, I feel no desire to keep going.

4. Impatience: I hate when I can't understand things right away, nor can I get things done in under an hours. But dangit, when stuff takes days' of work I get impatient. I just want to have something done and over. I want to grasp it after the first few tries.

5. Loss of direction: This is a big one. Although I plan in the long-term, generally I am more short-sighted. Getting caught up in the details of life, it's easy for me to forget why I'm doing this, and what I am working toward. I'm not doing this for graduation's sake; I'm doing this for the life I begin after college. The idea of finishing college and starting my life provides a sudden boost of motivation for me. When I lose sight of that, I lose motivation.

6. Lack of support: When I start to feel down or overwhelmed, I need people I can go to for help. Unfortunately I don't always feel like I have that. So I end up bearing my frustration in silence, and this has a habit of ruining the rest of the day. I also don't often have people to tell me I'm doing a good job, or encouraging me to press forward, or keeping me accountable to my schoolwork.

7. No reward: I might put hours and days into something, then instead of any relief or good grade I just have another assignment to do. When there's no end in sight I am inclined to get disgruntled.