Post 8: Less Shawn, More God

The past few days have been pretty intense, spiritually. New things are popping up (I just love all of this new stuff!) and I would like to share them.

For starters, I've come to find just how much of a sinner I still am. There are many problems that I have. I'm a complainer, selfish, glutton, and pervert to name a few. I expect myself to be able to act in a way that promotes God. I have the desire to be an excellent witness. And while my standards for myself aren't perfection (because I can never achieve that) or so I believe, whatever they are I still fall short of them.

I don't act godly because I'm trying to win God's favor. I have been in His favor for 2.5 years, starting the moment I agreed to make Jesus Christ (in Hebrew "Yeshua Messiah", which in English means "Jesus the Anointed One") the leader of my life and acknowledged what he did on the cross. I do these things out of a love and desire to be obedient to God's commands, and also because it is to my benefit.

Yet the problem I have had stems from the fact that I constantly rate how I am doing based upon that standard I have set for myself... and I always fail. The answer came on unintentionally. A friend of mine, whose blog can be found here, calls himself a Zen Christian. At the time, I didn't want to ask him about it directly as I didn't know how personal an explanation would have to be. I came across another blog, and this person had a creative solution: just BE Christian, and don't beat yourself up when you fail. Let the love of Jesus flow out through you.

I like this way of doing things. Then I wondered, "How can I bring my personality to match Jesus'?" See, at work, home and (eventually) school, I'm likely the closest thing that the lost ones around me will see to Jesus. If you remember a post from a while back, I mention my Myers-Briggs personality type: ISTJ. I'm organized, practical and factual. The disciple Thomas (aka the doubter) was ISTJ. Jesus on the other hand was not an ISTJ. It's hard to tell exactly what his type is, but based on observations from the Gospels it seems he is an -NF-, possibly INFP. (I guessed ENFJ.) My interests are probably not what Jesus would have liked. For instance, I play an interstellar combat game, Starfleet Commander, something Jesus wouldn't play. I want to go to college for computer science and am a sci-fi writer - two things unlike Jesus.

My conclusion was that my personality should not be a carbon copy of Christ's. God put in me these differences - a love for sci-fi, technological know-how, a desire to write - for the purpose of spreading the Gospel in whatever unique areas I may find myself in. The reconciliation of personalities comes in how I behave in these areas. The traits of Jesus - holiness, kindness, wisdom, patience, purity - these are the things that are to flow out of me.

Something else I wanted to happen was a greater amount of experiencing God. Faith is nice and I'm sure I have a good amount of it, but I don't want to coast on that all my life. I desire to see God act more in my life, do things that unmistakably point to him. I wrote down some ways:

• Miraculous events - always nice.
• Meditating on the Bible - understanding who God is by how he is recorded in the Bible.
• Worship - this can lead to more obvious, tangible experiences.
• "Hearing" God through thoughts - I have had situations where a thought has entered my mind that has such authority behind it that it can only have come from God.
• Conscience - that little voice in the back of your head is God prompting you.
• Feeling God's presence - not sure how this is done.
• Letting characteristics of God flow through you.
• Observing how God is working in the world and your life - coincidence? Maybe not.

In related, but different news, I am going to be heading up a Bible discussion group at the Christian youth center I attend, the Haven House. It'll be on alternating Thursdays, and it'll have prayer, inspirational real life stories and discussions on Bible topics. This works really well for me because I've always had a bit of a teacher streak in me, in the spiritual sense of the word. I'm good at analyzing things to find out what they are and then relaying that information to others. Now is my chance.

Sorry, I wrote this entry on two separate days. I may not have said everything I originally intended to. If so, then I'll just edit this post and add the info.

Post 3: A New Leaf in an Old Year

This post will mostly contain updates that I deem worthy of putting in the weblog. I know it's been a few months since I've added anything, and there have been several changes during that time.

First of all I should mention that I got a job, and I've had it for nearly three months at this point. I work at McDonalds as a maintenance worker - or at least, that is the title I use to describe it. My shift comes during the lunch hour. In the past it was quite variable as to what days I would be on and off, recently the top manager made an official schedule that I would follow regardless of what was printed on the paper. Tuesday through Saturday I would work from 11 to whenever, usually 3, and I'd have the other two days off. This works perfect for me because of my ISTJ personality, which means I love having things organized and scheduled out. Many would feel dead having everything timed out to the last minute, but I feel dead if it's not like that.

McDonalds has its quirks, good and bad. The good part is the relative simplicity of the work. I sweep the floors almost neurotically, I wipe down the tables, I change the garbage bags in the lobby when they get full, and I also keep the windows clean, take trays to the back when they get piled high enough, and maintain the bathrooms. It also provides me with a stable income, as there aren't too many other people who would do this job. Even though I'm only getting $7.25 an hour, it still means a $200+ paycheck every other Tuesday. Hardly enough to sustain an independent individual, but I still live with my parents. And since I'm a conservative person with money, it doesn't disappear very fast. Plus, I typically get a break around 1:30-2:00, during which I eat the free employee meal. On the down side, the place can get really, really busy which tires me, and my feet and lower back ache after an hour or two.

The people at McDonalds are quite diverse in appearance and personality. The highest-ranking person is Dave, who seems to resemble Vince McMahon. He's a quiet but agreeable person. Miss Daphne is the highest level manager and is equally kind and tough. She recently lost her 23-year-old daughter Tori, who was one of her subordinate managers. Jennifer is another manager. Isaac is one of the other few maintainers. Unique is how I describe him. Annoying is another. He runs his mouth and doesn't think before he speaks. He has several different terms he's called me by: "Jimmy Dean", "Daniel Boone", "Peanut", "F*cknut". However, he is clearly an excellent and skilled worker, having been there for 13(?) years. Brandon is a weekend worker with a satiric sense of humor. He also does sounds and impersonations. Rambo (I think his real name is Robert) is another veteran of the place, now in his 4th year. He is also very funny. Then there are others who I find less notable: Vicky, Connie, Nycole and her boyfriend James, Eleanna, Brenda, Miranda, etc...

Second of all, I've decided to put off college until fall 2010. The main reason for that is the fact that they don't answer the phone at Independence Community College. These statistics are estimates, but by no means exaggerations. I have a 10% chance of getting an answer, another 10% chance that they'll call back if I leave a message, and an 80% chance that nothing will ever happen. I missed the date for turning in the financial aid forms because of outdated information on their website, and in any case I still needed to schedule orientation and it just seemed off to start in spring 2010. So I'm out of school for another 9 months. I really will be taking a year off of school then.

I'm already thinking about what my New Year's Resolutions will be. Currently they include: 1) Living more godly; 2) Being more in-depth in my Bible study; 3) Pray more; 4) Use better posture and eye care when using the computer, since I'm usually on it most of the day.

My review of "Ben 10: Alien Swarm": Out of 100, I have to give it an 82. The movie had a good plot and sequence of events. It added two good items to the Ben 10 mythology. First was the fact that Plumbers ride motorcycles. These were seen extensively in the movie. Second was the futuristic-looking command center that was in the back (and presumably underground) of a car repair shop/gas station. The female actors were very cute. But I did have a few quibbles with it. The plot itself was cliche: the main character goes against the established order to act on a hunch. This could also be questionable to parents, since if they let their kids see this, then their children might get some ideas. About 15 minutes into the movie, there's an argument between Grandpa Max and Ben, and Max gives in way too easily. Of course, without that scene, the rest of the film would have been worthless. BTW, I noticed Ben and Gwen kept calling him "Max", not "Grandpa Max". The movie could have used a little bit more light in it. And probably my biggest issue with it - which shows how it's a minor one anyhow - is the fact that these kids are 16 years old, and yet their actors are all at least 23. Even Daniel Radcliffe was about the same age as the character Harry Potter he portrayed. But all in all, this was a good movie.

[EDIT: 1/1/2010: I originally, accidentally, said I had put off college until 2012. No, I mean 2010! Ugh, this whole end-of-the-world scare is messing my typing up!]