Community & Challenge

The last few months have been hard for me. I've lost a lot of social interaction, as a result I spend most of my free time alone. A weekly get-together of friends has been put on hold, and I don't really talk with people at church, mainly because the vast majority are a different generation from me. My hobbies have fallen flat, too. I can't settle on a coding project, and until this month I have not had the ability to sit and write for very long. Games... just aren't fun anymore. Doing things in regards to Christian and theology and the Bible don't keep my attention. Being exhausted from work doesn't help in any of this.

I've long wondered why this stuff is happening to me. A couple weeks ago I think I found what I was looking for. Community and challenge. It seems so bloody obvious! I'm a social creature, and one who craves having something to work toward. These are what make me enjoy life.

Community
Things done alone, or that'll never be seen by anyone, or that doesn't serve a group of people are things I often have trouble staying motivated on. What's the point of them, if they're only going to be seen by me? If there's no use for it? It's just a waste of time.

This is particularly evident in my choice of games. I've found it's so much more fun when I'm part of a gaming community. Having others who can see what I'm doing in the game, or being part of a team, that sort of stuff. I remember I used to play a Facebook app called Starfleet Commander, where I was part of an alliance. Interacting with people was part of why I played that game almost daily for a year or two. I also used to play NationStates. It was fun enough pretending to lead a country and see what kind of government my opinions would form. I was also an active member of a region, the in-game name for an alliance. Eventually I ended up being part of a region's government. If I were just logging in once every couple days to do a quick task or so, I would have gotten bored very quickly.

This need for community explains why a couple things I'm doing right now are succeeding. First off, I'm taking part in NaNoWriMo this year. I'm part of a community, specifically the NaNoWriMo forums. Talking with other people about plotting and reaching 50,000 words is exciting and motivating. I'll probably reach the word count goal this year, too. Normally I can't get very much of a story written down. Oh sure I'll get a basic plot and maybe a few thousand words but somehow I end up being distracted and disinterested. It's the presence of a large community that draws me to it and makes me want to keep going.

Second, as I've mentioned here and there, I'm a volunteer soundboard operator/radio host for my church. Even though the task is easy, I enjoy it greatly. That's because I'm doing it not for my own sake, but for that of my church. It's something I'm doing for my community. I'm being useful not only for a group, but also an ideology that is important to me.

Socially speaking, I've been terribly lacking in community lately. It seems like I've drifted out of most of my friendships. Text messages are usually StraightTalk telling me I need to add more time to my phone. I get a bit of interaction on social networking sites, but not much in real life. This is hard to deal with. Even though I'm introverted, I'm still a human, and humans are social creatures.

Challenge
A few years ago I would have told you my ideal life is one where I had no challenge or problems. Where everything I wanted, I could get with minimal effort. I've come to realize I would despise that sort of life. I need to be on a mission. I need to have something to work toward. I need a goal to progress to. I'm a problem solver. I need challenge.

That's why programming is something I like so much. It's mental stimulation, figuring out how to get to the desired goal. There are programming projects I have attempted but never completed. It's a shame, really. They were the kind of challenge I need. Enough that I would learn something new, but not so much that I couldn't figure things out.

This is also why I'm doing NaNoWriMo. It gives you thirty days to write a 50,000 word novel. This is something I can sink my teeth into.

What to Do
So I guess, if I wanted to get these into my life more, the first thing I ought to do is get some more community in my life. The challenge part is around in ample supply; I simply need people to experience it with. For writing, programming, and gaming (and whatever else might catch my interest), this is simple enough - find online message boards or people I know in real life who are likewise into these things, and start going through things with them.

General social life, getting out of the habit of sitting in front of my computer alone all day, is significantly more difficult. Friendships are slowly made, but are often hard for me to maintain. I don't know why this is. What I need to find, I suppose, are people who are equally willing to stay in touch. Or more willing, as the case may be. That's especially challenging, perhaps more challenge than I can take on, because I don't live somewhere that is known for its young adult social scene. To be terribly honest, I'm not sure how to tackle this issue.

Projects October 2014

Here's what I have going on for the month of October.

Web development: Been inactive in this area, don't really see myself jumping back into it any time soon.

Writing: The story from 2009, presently titled Failed Hero, has gone through its first round of editing. I made it sound a little less preachy. I want to lengthen it somehow, but that will have to wait for a month or two.

I spent much of September contemplating and writing another story that I've titled First. I see a lot of potential in this one.

Now I'm beginning to plan out my NaNoWriMo novel, which doesn't have a name yet. The premise is basically this: two years after a global pandemic killed off all adults, much of the western United States has come under a loose organization called the Order of Friendship, which is trying to restore public utilities and social order. About 1 in 200 people have developed an effect called the red eye, where under fight-or-flight situations their irises turn red and they increase in physical strength, speed, endurance, and the like. One of the people with this effect is part of a sort of special operations group in the Order of Friendship's militia. After her boyfriend dies in battle (I really don't want this to be the only reason, I more want this to be the event that pushes her over the line) she defects and starts opposing the Order. I still need to figure out the rest of the plot.

Minecraft and Gaming: There were a few weeks when I was playing this almost daily, building some of the fresh ideas I had. But now I'm really burned out on the game. I haven't seriously played it in a couple weeks.

Instead I've been dabbling with Freeciv, a browser turn-based strategy game. I like strategy games but I don't have the quick wits for real-time strategy. I also found a Facebook app, Game of Thrones: Ascents, which I kind of like. It's simple enough in terms of mechanics.

Honestly, I'm just looking for something fun. I'm big on strategy, logic, and puzzle games. I am getting tired of combat games, and ones which require you build up your little down and go through an unnecessarily long tech tree before you can actually do anything. I just want to play already!

Freelancing: Made a little bit of progress here. Right now I'm not active with it, and I'm not sure I will be any time soon.

Exercise: Work is my main form of exercise. I weighed myself last night and I'm down to 187. I finished the summer of 2013 (last year) at 185, so eventually I'm going to start making some record lows. I don't plan on doing much in this realm, but if things go right I'll keep losing weight.

Religious activity: So far the position as soundboard operator/radio host is going well. It's really not a terribly demanding task.

Reading: Finished A Clash of Kings last month, so now I'm reading A Storm of Swords. I'm currently about half way through it. I timed myself, and I seem to read about 20 pages per hour, so that's the goal I put on myself per day. I'm going through George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series.