Over the past three and a half years I have followed the beliefs of the Pentecostal denomination of Christianity. Pentecostals emphasize the supernatural side of the faith, rooting this in the events of Pentecost as laid out in Acts 2. However in the past year I've also begun learning the beliefs of the Southern Baptist denomination which doesn't quite stress supernatural events as much as the fact that one is saved by faith. I've also dabbled in Catholic and Messianic Jewish views. This has given me several different perspectives on what the Bible teaches.
What I'm thinking I may do some day is undergo personal study to figure out what seems most logical about things such as the Rapture, the Trinity, whether or not God is still giving out spiritual gifts like speaking in tongues and prophesy like He did in the beginning, what the meaning behind speaking in tongues is and the ways it ought to be used, the end times and how Revelation plays out, and other things that I could think of. A friend of mine is Christian, very intelligent, very faithful, yet he seems to deviate from the standard accepted believes of Protestants in a couple areas. I feel I should likewise examine for myself what the Bible says. I tend to interpret the Bible in a literal sense where possible so that alone could make me differ from Pentecostal teachings. I will need to do this some time in the future. Right now, I'm too busy with college.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Post 25: Here We Go Again: Summer and Fall Classes
Let me tell you a little bit about my past. When I finished high school in 2009, I had planned to attend a local university and graduate by 2013 with my bachelor's degree in computer science. Then I learned I would be moving to Kansas after I graduated and settled on attending University of Kansas where again, I would spend four years there and then graduate in 2013. But things went weird. The start date of the fall 2009 semester for KU was in August, awfully close to my June 28 arrival in Kansas. I had also heard about there being a community college that I could attend in the city I was moving to.
I decided that I would wait for six months until my citizenship in Kansas was made official so that tuition costs would be cheaper. Hence my decision to forego the fall 2009 semester. I would simply take a few months off of school and work. Things got a little complicated. I did most of my preparation for college from home and made lots of phone calls. Unfortunately, the financial aid department answered their phones quite rarely and I estimated that about 10% of all the calls and messages I left were ever returned. After missing an important financial aid deadline in December of 2009 I found I would not be able to go for a spring 2010 semester.
Several months later I get a ride from one of my friends who is a fellow student at the college to plan out my fall 2011 classes. I take a standardized test and get my grades immediately. There were three fields: math, reading, and writing. My grades were all 95 and higher. However my math grade in particular, a 98 as I recall, was the highest the woman officiating the test had ever seen. I scored so high that I tested out of needing to take college algebra and could go straight into calculus. I talk with the woman and get my classes for fall 2010 settled. I also decide to take an online class for the summer: HTML. It did teach me quite a bit however I've been doing Web coding since high school as a hobby so it's a breeze for me.
Fall 2010 comes around and I do exceptionally well, scoring a GPA over 3.8. This semester was the first time in a year that I set foot in a classroom. All of my other friends that had gone to college were already in their sophomore years of high school. I had taken a gap year between high school and college, working in order to save money for my advanced education.
Spring 2011 was also a good semester. Most of it was online although I had one afternoon class. There were two times when I suffered burnout and struggled to maintain a decent pace. However I wrapped things up at the end and surprised myself in two classes in particular. Macroeconomics was very hard for me and I missed on two assignments. Nonetheless, I found the 14-question final exam to be a relative breeze. About a week ago I was with my advisor planning my next sets of classes and the instructor for macroeconomics asked if I would become a tutor for the class, stating that I did amazingly well in the class! The other was sociology. There was a term paper I needed to do and I didn't get it done until the day it was due. I didn't think that the paper would be any good but I was greatly pleased and surprised when I discovered I had an 85 on it! Overall this was a successful semester and I scored a perfect 4.0 GPA, making it onto the Presidental Honor Roll.
(Please pardon me if my writing style is somewhat bland. I've been reading Kings and Chronicles from the Old Testament and, well, those are hardly exciting books.)
During that aforementioned meeting with my advisor I planned out the rest of my classes for the summer and fall 2011 semesters. All but two of them will be totally online; the others will require me to go to the campus once or more per week. At least three of them will be relatively simple for me as I already have some knowledge in the subjects:
I also want to find a computers company in whichever city I move to (be it Lawrence for KU or Manhattan for KSU) that will take a university student with an AS degree so that I can work while I'm at university. This will serve the double purpose of providing an income and providing experience. Then I will either find a new place to work or continue there. Either way, I intend on settling in my own place of residence somewhere and beginning my adult life.
This December date makes things seem suddenly closer than before. I have yet to decide on which university to attend; I've also yet to get a driver's license. I need both of these things to move out of my current city and go to higher education. Fall 2011 will have five classes, more than I've ever done before. It's going to be hectic but I believe that with patience, planning, and prayer I'll make it through with great results.
I decided that I would wait for six months until my citizenship in Kansas was made official so that tuition costs would be cheaper. Hence my decision to forego the fall 2009 semester. I would simply take a few months off of school and work. Things got a little complicated. I did most of my preparation for college from home and made lots of phone calls. Unfortunately, the financial aid department answered their phones quite rarely and I estimated that about 10% of all the calls and messages I left were ever returned. After missing an important financial aid deadline in December of 2009 I found I would not be able to go for a spring 2010 semester.
Several months later I get a ride from one of my friends who is a fellow student at the college to plan out my fall 2011 classes. I take a standardized test and get my grades immediately. There were three fields: math, reading, and writing. My grades were all 95 and higher. However my math grade in particular, a 98 as I recall, was the highest the woman officiating the test had ever seen. I scored so high that I tested out of needing to take college algebra and could go straight into calculus. I talk with the woman and get my classes for fall 2010 settled. I also decide to take an online class for the summer: HTML. It did teach me quite a bit however I've been doing Web coding since high school as a hobby so it's a breeze for me.
Fall 2010 comes around and I do exceptionally well, scoring a GPA over 3.8. This semester was the first time in a year that I set foot in a classroom. All of my other friends that had gone to college were already in their sophomore years of high school. I had taken a gap year between high school and college, working in order to save money for my advanced education.
Spring 2011 was also a good semester. Most of it was online although I had one afternoon class. There were two times when I suffered burnout and struggled to maintain a decent pace. However I wrapped things up at the end and surprised myself in two classes in particular. Macroeconomics was very hard for me and I missed on two assignments. Nonetheless, I found the 14-question final exam to be a relative breeze. About a week ago I was with my advisor planning my next sets of classes and the instructor for macroeconomics asked if I would become a tutor for the class, stating that I did amazingly well in the class! The other was sociology. There was a term paper I needed to do and I didn't get it done until the day it was due. I didn't think that the paper would be any good but I was greatly pleased and surprised when I discovered I had an 85 on it! Overall this was a successful semester and I scored a perfect 4.0 GPA, making it onto the Presidental Honor Roll.
(Please pardon me if my writing style is somewhat bland. I've been reading Kings and Chronicles from the Old Testament and, well, those are hardly exciting books.)
During that aforementioned meeting with my advisor I planned out the rest of my classes for the summer and fall 2011 semesters. All but two of them will be totally online; the others will require me to go to the campus once or more per week. At least three of them will be relatively simple for me as I already have some knowledge in the subjects:
- Calculus, which I took in high school;
- American government, something that I learned up on as a hobby during my younger years. I know a fair deal about the Constitution and what it says;
- Java programming. I know several other scripting and programming languages to some extent (including JavaScript, PHP, C++, and Python) so this will be easy.
I also want to find a computers company in whichever city I move to (be it Lawrence for KU or Manhattan for KSU) that will take a university student with an AS degree so that I can work while I'm at university. This will serve the double purpose of providing an income and providing experience. Then I will either find a new place to work or continue there. Either way, I intend on settling in my own place of residence somewhere and beginning my adult life.
This December date makes things seem suddenly closer than before. I have yet to decide on which university to attend; I've also yet to get a driver's license. I need both of these things to move out of my current city and go to higher education. Fall 2011 will have five classes, more than I've ever done before. It's going to be hectic but I believe that with patience, planning, and prayer I'll make it through with great results.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Post 24: What Is Your Purpose in Life?
What is your purpose in life?
I consider one of the most important things a person needs to have in life to be a purpose. Unless you feel that your existence has some kind of meaning, that there is some ultimate goal you are working for, what are you really doing with yourself?
People inherently want to know that there is some reason behind why they are on this Earth. That’s why we have chased so many things throughout history: power, wealth, love, friendship, knowledge, and so on. When there is that feeling of meaninglessness, discouragement and depression sets in. The lack of a purpose is why people have committed suicide – after all, they were just taking up space and breathing air that could be put to “better” use.
I know my purpose in life. My #1 reason for living is to have a relationship with God, the Creator of the universe. This also means obeying his commands out of faith and his will for my life. One part of his will is for me to engage in ministry. This will most likely result in me working as some sort of youth pastor working with teenagers and young adults, although I could end up doing other forms of ministry such as evangelization and apologetics (defense of the faith).
In addition to this, I’m also working to complete my college education and get at least a Bachelor’s Degree in computer science, then land a job as a programmer of some sort. Plus I’m a writer who desires to complete a very long story, and I’m working on chapter four right now. I also want to learn how to play bass guitar which could then be used for worship services. Meaning, for me, is found in what I want to do in life (or more accurately, what God wants for my life). I want to serve God through these various facets of life.
One of the most unfortunate things I see in this world is people who are devoid of ambition. Perhaps disappointment and past failure has caused them to give up on trying to do something big in life. Perhaps they believe they are too old, of the wrong gender, of the wrong race, of the wrong social class, ad nauseum, and they just can’t do it. So they just exist and contribute their bare minimum to society. They may do things like attend high school, go to work, hang out with friends, attend Sunday morning church services, but they make no real progress. They don’t advance themselves in any meaningful way. They lack ambition, the drive to do great things.
This kind of apathy is all too common. Despite the amazing technology all around us we have stagnated. I want to see this changed. No more of people sitting around doing nothing because they believe they have no meaning in life. I think it’s important to use our lives efficiently.
Do you feel purposeless? Well then, here is some advice. Find out what you really love in life and go headlong into it. Make for yourself a big goal that you wouldn’t think would normally be accomplishable by you. Then go for it! If you complete it, then make another big goal and attack it! These goals could be concrete ones which have a definite point of completion, or they could be perpetual goals which are repeated throughout life. They will often be used to advance one another. Bonus points if you can make the goals intricately woven together, but that’s not required.
One of my perpetual goals is to be a good Christian (although in a sense it’s a concrete goal since I would complete this goal when I go to Heaven; of course, this thinking makes all goals concrete ones!) and one of the assisting perpetual goals is to have a consistent habit of reading my Bible daily. I can use a concrete goal to accomplish this by setting a daily time for reading. Or bass guitar: I’m going to start by learning acoustic guitar first and I’ve achieved a concrete goal by acquiring one, but now I need new strings for it – another concrete one. Then once I’ve sufficiently learned that I can shift to bass.
If you need a purpose in life, may I suggest becoming a follower of Christ? That must sound terribly uninteresting, but stop to think about it. Where else (if you find the right group of people) can you find such a sense of ultimate meaning, love, and community? Indeed, if it weren’t for my fellowship with other believers, I would have very likely never made the amount of friends I have here, because I’m definitely a homebody. I’m sure that adopting faith and really going for it would be a very satisfying thing.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Post 23: Survived that One!
Yes, another blog entry about the supposed 21 May Rapture. Look at a different blog entry on here if you'd rather not read this. :D
I had read something about this prediction several months beforehand but I gave little attention to it. It wasn't until the day before the predicted Rapture was to take place that CNN and possibly other news outlets started talking about it. It was annoying that they were saying it was "the end of the world," when it wasn't. According to Mr. Camping's theory, the end of the world was to be 5 months later.
Although I figured that it wouldn't take place, a little bit of me felt a little alerted. It was a good kick in the rear that Jesus's return could happen at any time. The Rapture is a doctrine of Protestant Christianity stating that Jesus will return to the Earth and take up all true Christians with him in Heaven. This idea was developed in the late 1700s and early 1800s. Due to this rather recent inception of the doctrine, I don't totally believe it anymore. I've only done a little research about it, but the Scriptures that support it could easily be used to describe the Second Coming at the end of the seven-year Tribulation. In fact, in the book of the prophet Isaiah there is a mention of it that mixes it with the Second Coming. Roman Catholics, who have been around for much longer than Protestants, don't believe in any sort of Rapture.
Another thing: the Rapture is said to be something so major that everyone in the world will know when it's happening and it will be immediate. But Mr. Camping said it would happen at 6 PM of each timezone. If that were so, it would give people in later timezones warning that they were going to be Raptured since I'm sure news outlets would announce the major disasters taking place in Raptured nations. So much for "like a thief in the night."
I was watching a program on television a few weeks ago called "Discovering the Jewish Jesus." The host, Rabbi K. A. Schneider, is a Messianic Jew which means he maintains Jewish traditions but observes the New Covenant (i.e., saved by faith and not by observing Mosaic Law). His show often shows how the Old and New Testaments are analogous, with parts of the OT prophesying and foreshadowing what would happen in the NT. He showed an interesting correlation between Moses leading the Hebrews out of Egypt and the End Times. Exodus 5-14 show a very stubborn Pharaoh refusing to release the Hebrews, who had become the slaves of the society. Thus in order to persuade the leader, God sent down ten plagues upon Egypt until finally the Hebrews were allowed out.
The Hebrews were still present in the nation of Egypt while the plagues were taking place. According to Rabbi Schneider, this event is representative of what the End Times will be like. As best as I can recall, he implicitly agrees with the Catholic notion of no Rapture. The Hebrews weren't removed from Egypt until after the plagues were finished. Likewise, the Christians and Messianic Jews of the last days will not be taken into Heaven until Christ's Second Coming.
I'm sure that there were people who heard about the 21 May Rapture and became believers or otherwise rededicated their lives to Christ. I imagine some of them were disappointed when it did not occur and have already abandoned that faith. Non-believers have doubtlessly mocked the event the whole time and now, thanks to this farce of a prophesy, they are now even more stubbornly hardened against God. I came across this amusing comment on the Interwebs: "Mr. Camping should be thankful that he lives under the New Testament economy. Under the OT economy and Torah law, he’d of found himself under a big pile of rocks, suffering the fate of a false prophet." (Source here.)
Despite all of this, I was enlightened to the impending return of Christ. I've long held that my life is one big bet: that Christianity is true and Jesus is coming soon. If it's false, then oh well. I won't know until I'm dead, and since I won't be conscious due to lack of an afterlife I won't regret it. If I'm right then I lucked out big time. I personally believe that the Second Coming is really soon. I'm a couple months away from being 20, and I feel I may not make it to 40 before Jesus comes again. So while I still have the time, I need to get myself into gear and try to strengthen my faith and relationship with God.
On a related note, I came across a website showing statistical analysis of prophesies listing when the Rapture and Second Coming could take place. Don Koenig admits that his predictions may be off by millenia but the numbers are fascinating and they show that things are about to get very serious very soon.
I had read something about this prediction several months beforehand but I gave little attention to it. It wasn't until the day before the predicted Rapture was to take place that CNN and possibly other news outlets started talking about it. It was annoying that they were saying it was "the end of the world," when it wasn't. According to Mr. Camping's theory, the end of the world was to be 5 months later.
Although I figured that it wouldn't take place, a little bit of me felt a little alerted. It was a good kick in the rear that Jesus's return could happen at any time. The Rapture is a doctrine of Protestant Christianity stating that Jesus will return to the Earth and take up all true Christians with him in Heaven. This idea was developed in the late 1700s and early 1800s. Due to this rather recent inception of the doctrine, I don't totally believe it anymore. I've only done a little research about it, but the Scriptures that support it could easily be used to describe the Second Coming at the end of the seven-year Tribulation. In fact, in the book of the prophet Isaiah there is a mention of it that mixes it with the Second Coming. Roman Catholics, who have been around for much longer than Protestants, don't believe in any sort of Rapture.
Another thing: the Rapture is said to be something so major that everyone in the world will know when it's happening and it will be immediate. But Mr. Camping said it would happen at 6 PM of each timezone. If that were so, it would give people in later timezones warning that they were going to be Raptured since I'm sure news outlets would announce the major disasters taking place in Raptured nations. So much for "like a thief in the night."
I was watching a program on television a few weeks ago called "Discovering the Jewish Jesus." The host, Rabbi K. A. Schneider, is a Messianic Jew which means he maintains Jewish traditions but observes the New Covenant (i.e., saved by faith and not by observing Mosaic Law). His show often shows how the Old and New Testaments are analogous, with parts of the OT prophesying and foreshadowing what would happen in the NT. He showed an interesting correlation between Moses leading the Hebrews out of Egypt and the End Times. Exodus 5-14 show a very stubborn Pharaoh refusing to release the Hebrews, who had become the slaves of the society. Thus in order to persuade the leader, God sent down ten plagues upon Egypt until finally the Hebrews were allowed out.
The Hebrews were still present in the nation of Egypt while the plagues were taking place. According to Rabbi Schneider, this event is representative of what the End Times will be like. As best as I can recall, he implicitly agrees with the Catholic notion of no Rapture. The Hebrews weren't removed from Egypt until after the plagues were finished. Likewise, the Christians and Messianic Jews of the last days will not be taken into Heaven until Christ's Second Coming.
I'm sure that there were people who heard about the 21 May Rapture and became believers or otherwise rededicated their lives to Christ. I imagine some of them were disappointed when it did not occur and have already abandoned that faith. Non-believers have doubtlessly mocked the event the whole time and now, thanks to this farce of a prophesy, they are now even more stubbornly hardened against God. I came across this amusing comment on the Interwebs: "Mr. Camping should be thankful that he lives under the New Testament economy. Under the OT economy and Torah law, he’d of found himself under a big pile of rocks, suffering the fate of a false prophet." (Source here.)
Despite all of this, I was enlightened to the impending return of Christ. I've long held that my life is one big bet: that Christianity is true and Jesus is coming soon. If it's false, then oh well. I won't know until I'm dead, and since I won't be conscious due to lack of an afterlife I won't regret it. If I'm right then I lucked out big time. I personally believe that the Second Coming is really soon. I'm a couple months away from being 20, and I feel I may not make it to 40 before Jesus comes again. So while I still have the time, I need to get myself into gear and try to strengthen my faith and relationship with God.
On a related note, I came across a website showing statistical analysis of prophesies listing when the Rapture and Second Coming could take place. Don Koenig admits that his predictions may be off by millenia but the numbers are fascinating and they show that things are about to get very serious very soon.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Post 22: Obligations
I'm the sort of person who doesn't mind taking on more responsibilities, especially in areas that I enjoy and have skills in. Over the past month or so I've found out that I have way too many responsibilities. I am required to do certain things in certain ways in many areas of life, and it is getting very tiring.
This is not to say that I'm making plans to sneak out in the middle of the night or start skipping out on church. That's not how I roll. Rather, I'm coming to understand that things don't need to be perfect and I can choose to say "No." As in, although my website is incomplete and it's nagging me to work on it, I will not commit myself to that until I have sufficient time. (Although in the past I have considered dedicating an hour each Monday to website development.) I am very punctual when it comes to showing up to church on time, but since it's not absolutely mandatory I be there at 9:30 AM sharp for Sunday school, I won't beat myself up for being a minute or so late. Even though it is highly advisable to live as holy a life as possible, I'm not going to be too concerned that I never ever ever sin. Basically, I'm going to give myself a break and allow myself to be a little bit of a mess up.
- At work, there are some basic things that I have to do: wash tables, sweep floors, change garbage, sweep parking lot, mop the floor, wash windows, do dishes, and whatever else may be required of me. I typically have 3-4 hour shifts although it's historically been common for me to be around an extra half hour getting work done.
- School, which is now ending, put on me great deals of pressure to get schoolwork done and it would take up several hours of every day.
- Home, I've discovered my parents have some... rather harsh... rules for me to follow. This is actually a blog post in itself but I'll forego it. Then I have my biweekly chores, which aren't that tough.
- In church, I have been known as the one member of youth group and Sunday school (for teens) that would always show up. Always. I go primarily because I know it's in my best interests, but I also sort of see it as my duty to be there to provide that stability. When my youth group has activities or fundraisers, I'm quick to offer assistance. Recently there was a fundraiser where we sold Little Caesar's pizza kits and getting buyers then distributing the kits was a major hassle.
- In my Christian life, I try to live as godly a life as possible. It's not like my good works will earn me favor, it's just that I find it a reasonable act of duty. After all, God did make us so his standards are generally the best to follow. That, and he paid a pretty hefty price (his own Son) to secure my salvation.
- Just now, I discovered how underdeveloped my website (http://shawntc.x10hosting.com) is and I feel compelled to work on it.
This is not to say that I'm making plans to sneak out in the middle of the night or start skipping out on church. That's not how I roll. Rather, I'm coming to understand that things don't need to be perfect and I can choose to say "No." As in, although my website is incomplete and it's nagging me to work on it, I will not commit myself to that until I have sufficient time. (Although in the past I have considered dedicating an hour each Monday to website development.) I am very punctual when it comes to showing up to church on time, but since it's not absolutely mandatory I be there at 9:30 AM sharp for Sunday school, I won't beat myself up for being a minute or so late. Even though it is highly advisable to live as holy a life as possible, I'm not going to be too concerned that I never ever ever sin. Basically, I'm going to give myself a break and allow myself to be a little bit of a mess up.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Post 21: Is the Hard Work Worth It?
No matter what job you're at, what church you go to, or what school you learn from, there's normally at least one person who is at least a little more advanced than the rest. Maybe he's the tireless worker or she's the devout believer or the star pupil. This person has an uncanny excellence that others love about him or her.
I am that person, more or less in all three aspects presented. At work, I'm noted and loved for being a hard worker and respecting of those around me. I was made employee of the month after six months and was given the highest pay raise during our last work performance reviews. In my church, I'm probably one of the smarter ones insofar as understanding my faith and developing it, considering my age. I'm also one of the core members of my youth group, which has about seven consistent members including myself. My college grades are all A's and I have at least a 3.6 GPA. When I graduated high school, I was #3 in a class of 249. I'm punctual and do try to participate a little in classes. I try to complete assignments on time and do as best as I can.
I suppose you could say I've been pretty successful in everything I've done. Partly, this is due to God-given talent and ability to learn things quickly then remember and apply it. But I also think that it's part of how I was raised. My parents always stressed the importance of schoolwork. I was expected to finish my homework before I could watch TV or play on the computer. In high school, when anything below a 92 was abnormal for me, my mother's facial expressions seemed to thinly veil a feeling of disapproval. Her first husband would, upon seeing my sixth grade report card sporting A's and A+'s with star-shaped stickers, applaud my good work but then always add, "You can do better" as a sort of way to motivate me even though I would tell him that it hurt my feelings.
As a result, I pushed myself hard. I didn't like it when I had a grade in the 80's (and those were uncommon anyway until senior year of high school). This drive to excel was also fueled by what seemed to be the entire goal of doing well in school: to get into college and get a good job. I had been instilled with the idea that if I don't do well in school, then no colleges would accept me and I would have a mediocre life at best. The school system and my parents put in me the belief that it was of the utmost importance to do the best I could in high school because it would shape the rest of my natural life. So, me being me, I accepted that belief and lived by it. To further the issue, I saw school as a competition where my life and honor were at stake. I had to be #1. I had to get to the top or else I would have no recognition from college or industry. But I never did make it to the title of top dog. About junior or senior year I began to wisen up and realize that it wasn't that big of a deal, but not until I graduated did I fully understand how much I overdid it.
Still, that instinctual urge to be great in everything I do did not and has not left me. When I became Christian I had a desire to be an active, actual Christian instead of someone who carries the name and acts it on Sunday morning. It hasn't left me and as a result after three and a half years, I've developed faith and intelligence about my religion that would require the typical person at least 5-6 years, if not more. As is stands, the majority of the people who know me have only seen the Christian me. They never saw the pervert, the atheist. Of course, it probably involves the fact that I've been in Kansas for two years and lost contact with most of my high school friends.
But the question I ask is, "Why?" When I'm already such an above average person, why do I continue to press myself to meet unrealistically high standards? Why am I so unforgiving of myself when I mess up or slack off? I guess what I mean is, it's unnecessary for me to do what I do. I could actually degrade a fair bit and still be ahead of the crowd. What is is that stops me from letting go, chilling out, and maybe (gasp!) bending or breaking a rule every now and then?
One response harkens back to the way I was brought up. The "be the best" mentality is stuck in me. As is another credo that was introduced to my life during my teen years, which was to do what you were told without exception. You do it or there will be consequences. Don't we all face that? Yet for various reasons I took that to heart more closely than most people do. We were not to have our cell phones turned on during school hours therefore I would rarely leave mine on. At work we are supposed to do what our employers tell us, therefore I carry it out as accurately and completely as I reasonably can. And indeed I am rewarded for these things. Yet the rewards may not be worth the costs. Think about it: granted I work during the busiest hours of the day, but should four hours of wiping tables, sweeping floors, changing garbage, and doing dishes exhaust me like it so often does? No, but it does.
I'm a bit of a MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) addict and as I've stated in previous posts, I have an ISTJ personality. I think that the schools and my family life has molded me in a way that would make me like an ISTJ, and it succeeded. As a whole we're very thorough and detailed. In school this meant learning even the most minute relevant fact and holding onto it forever; in work, it meant not even a single crumb remains on a table. We are obedient; we understand and respect the chain of command and would not normally do anything to violate it. We try to be people of integrity and consider our words to be as binding as a written contract. We are the cogs of society, which sometimes leads to us being faceless numbers in the mass. Or consider another organizing scheme I've recently encountered, which is the World of Warcraft character alignment system. I'm a Lawful Neutral (with high Lawful Good traits) which means I follow a code of law - in this case, Biblical standards - as best as I can. (Incidentally, my girlfriend is a Chaotic Good and I think she's a good match for me. Her free-spirited nature helps me loosen up and be a little nicer.) I also have that drive to do things well and do them right, so I'm not one to cut corners.
Yet despite a seeming drive to do things the good old fashioned way, I do have a strong individualist streak. Depending on the scale you use, I have near-genius or genius thinking skills. I could choose to do what would seem to help and break from this structured way of being, to be more free and haphazard. Instead of doing a term paper a week before it's due, why not wait until four days remain to get started? Why not go ahead and go an entire week without reading my Bible? I already know more of it than the average 19 year old believer anyways. My salvation isn't hinged upon how many chapters I can memorize. Some people care more about how you achieve a goal than actually achieving it. I emphasize achieving the goal, but I also stress a great deal over the manner it's done. Perhaps I should make my life a little simpler by stressing over it less. Be a little inefficient.
I am that person, more or less in all three aspects presented. At work, I'm noted and loved for being a hard worker and respecting of those around me. I was made employee of the month after six months and was given the highest pay raise during our last work performance reviews. In my church, I'm probably one of the smarter ones insofar as understanding my faith and developing it, considering my age. I'm also one of the core members of my youth group, which has about seven consistent members including myself. My college grades are all A's and I have at least a 3.6 GPA. When I graduated high school, I was #3 in a class of 249. I'm punctual and do try to participate a little in classes. I try to complete assignments on time and do as best as I can.
I suppose you could say I've been pretty successful in everything I've done. Partly, this is due to God-given talent and ability to learn things quickly then remember and apply it. But I also think that it's part of how I was raised. My parents always stressed the importance of schoolwork. I was expected to finish my homework before I could watch TV or play on the computer. In high school, when anything below a 92 was abnormal for me, my mother's facial expressions seemed to thinly veil a feeling of disapproval. Her first husband would, upon seeing my sixth grade report card sporting A's and A+'s with star-shaped stickers, applaud my good work but then always add, "You can do better" as a sort of way to motivate me even though I would tell him that it hurt my feelings.
As a result, I pushed myself hard. I didn't like it when I had a grade in the 80's (and those were uncommon anyway until senior year of high school). This drive to excel was also fueled by what seemed to be the entire goal of doing well in school: to get into college and get a good job. I had been instilled with the idea that if I don't do well in school, then no colleges would accept me and I would have a mediocre life at best. The school system and my parents put in me the belief that it was of the utmost importance to do the best I could in high school because it would shape the rest of my natural life. So, me being me, I accepted that belief and lived by it. To further the issue, I saw school as a competition where my life and honor were at stake. I had to be #1. I had to get to the top or else I would have no recognition from college or industry. But I never did make it to the title of top dog. About junior or senior year I began to wisen up and realize that it wasn't that big of a deal, but not until I graduated did I fully understand how much I overdid it.
Still, that instinctual urge to be great in everything I do did not and has not left me. When I became Christian I had a desire to be an active, actual Christian instead of someone who carries the name and acts it on Sunday morning. It hasn't left me and as a result after three and a half years, I've developed faith and intelligence about my religion that would require the typical person at least 5-6 years, if not more. As is stands, the majority of the people who know me have only seen the Christian me. They never saw the pervert, the atheist. Of course, it probably involves the fact that I've been in Kansas for two years and lost contact with most of my high school friends.
But the question I ask is, "Why?" When I'm already such an above average person, why do I continue to press myself to meet unrealistically high standards? Why am I so unforgiving of myself when I mess up or slack off? I guess what I mean is, it's unnecessary for me to do what I do. I could actually degrade a fair bit and still be ahead of the crowd. What is is that stops me from letting go, chilling out, and maybe (gasp!) bending or breaking a rule every now and then?
One response harkens back to the way I was brought up. The "be the best" mentality is stuck in me. As is another credo that was introduced to my life during my teen years, which was to do what you were told without exception. You do it or there will be consequences. Don't we all face that? Yet for various reasons I took that to heart more closely than most people do. We were not to have our cell phones turned on during school hours therefore I would rarely leave mine on. At work we are supposed to do what our employers tell us, therefore I carry it out as accurately and completely as I reasonably can. And indeed I am rewarded for these things. Yet the rewards may not be worth the costs. Think about it: granted I work during the busiest hours of the day, but should four hours of wiping tables, sweeping floors, changing garbage, and doing dishes exhaust me like it so often does? No, but it does.
I'm a bit of a MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) addict and as I've stated in previous posts, I have an ISTJ personality. I think that the schools and my family life has molded me in a way that would make me like an ISTJ, and it succeeded. As a whole we're very thorough and detailed. In school this meant learning even the most minute relevant fact and holding onto it forever; in work, it meant not even a single crumb remains on a table. We are obedient; we understand and respect the chain of command and would not normally do anything to violate it. We try to be people of integrity and consider our words to be as binding as a written contract. We are the cogs of society, which sometimes leads to us being faceless numbers in the mass. Or consider another organizing scheme I've recently encountered, which is the World of Warcraft character alignment system. I'm a Lawful Neutral (with high Lawful Good traits) which means I follow a code of law - in this case, Biblical standards - as best as I can. (Incidentally, my girlfriend is a Chaotic Good and I think she's a good match for me. Her free-spirited nature helps me loosen up and be a little nicer.) I also have that drive to do things well and do them right, so I'm not one to cut corners.
Yet despite a seeming drive to do things the good old fashioned way, I do have a strong individualist streak. Depending on the scale you use, I have near-genius or genius thinking skills. I could choose to do what would seem to help and break from this structured way of being, to be more free and haphazard. Instead of doing a term paper a week before it's due, why not wait until four days remain to get started? Why not go ahead and go an entire week without reading my Bible? I already know more of it than the average 19 year old believer anyways. My salvation isn't hinged upon how many chapters I can memorize. Some people care more about how you achieve a goal than actually achieving it. I emphasize achieving the goal, but I also stress a great deal over the manner it's done. Perhaps I should make my life a little simpler by stressing over it less. Be a little inefficient.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Post 20: Three Days of No Minecraft!
I'm going to take a step away from my normally deep, thought-provoking (you can read that in a sarcastic tone if you wish) and tell you about something I did over this weekend. If you view my Twitter updates then you realize I'm hardcore addicted to Minecraft. That posed a problem to me. I would just log into it and do nothing really for periods of time instead of either being productive in real life or working on projects in the game. So I made a decision that, for three days, I would not do anything related to that game. I would not play it, I would not visit websites associated with it, I would not watch videos of it, nothing. I started that Friday, 1 April, and would not finish until Monday, 4 April.
As it turns out, it wasn't all that difficult! The first day I certainly had to remind myself a few times not to do my usual things and I got better quickly. This comes at a time the game had gone through an update, so I would miss the rush of new things entering the game. I got progressively better over the weekend.
With that distraction out of the way I found plenty of free time. I got bored, a lot. I quickly got back into two of my passions that had died out in time: programming and writing. One of my dreams is to release a multiplayer browser-based space battle game and a project I've been on and off with (mostly off) is sort of a simulation of it. I spent a good deal of time building it and have accomplished a lot. It's not done and there are a few bugs but it's closer to completion now. Insofar as writing, I'm working on a project called "After Adults", and you can see it here: http://afteradults.blogspot.com. Although I didn't do any writing I've gotten lots more planning of it done. I'm using actual cities for the setting but for a couple of them I may need to silently skip or even reuse places - author's prerogative, a wonderful thing.
Yet even with all that being done there were lots of times when I was just sitting at the computer idly viewing the same websites over and over. I did accomplish a lot more school stuff than I have recently but I don't care much for the classes so I sort of put those off to last. I pushed myself a little bit with those.
About the third and last day of no Minecraft I looked at another game I had tried downloading a few times but got discouraged given the size of the download file (1.25 GB!): "Genesis AD". I thought it was simply a variation of Halo and to a degree it is. But there's a big difference from what I've seen. The game is entirely based on PvP and from there you achieve rewards for completing missions - say, from playing on a certain field of getting a set number of kills at once. It's a first person shooter and once I got the hang of it, I found it quite nice. The main problem is that I'm so twitchy that once I start shooting, I can't keep my aim straight. Plus I have no concept of strafing while firing, and there are very few places for sniping, which is my best ability.
Now, I'm back in the whole Minecraft thing, back to the old routine. Hopefully it won't start consuming all my time again but we've seen how that turns out!
As it turns out, it wasn't all that difficult! The first day I certainly had to remind myself a few times not to do my usual things and I got better quickly. This comes at a time the game had gone through an update, so I would miss the rush of new things entering the game. I got progressively better over the weekend.
With that distraction out of the way I found plenty of free time. I got bored, a lot. I quickly got back into two of my passions that had died out in time: programming and writing. One of my dreams is to release a multiplayer browser-based space battle game and a project I've been on and off with (mostly off) is sort of a simulation of it. I spent a good deal of time building it and have accomplished a lot. It's not done and there are a few bugs but it's closer to completion now. Insofar as writing, I'm working on a project called "After Adults", and you can see it here: http://afteradults.blogspot.com. Although I didn't do any writing I've gotten lots more planning of it done. I'm using actual cities for the setting but for a couple of them I may need to silently skip or even reuse places - author's prerogative, a wonderful thing.
Yet even with all that being done there were lots of times when I was just sitting at the computer idly viewing the same websites over and over. I did accomplish a lot more school stuff than I have recently but I don't care much for the classes so I sort of put those off to last. I pushed myself a little bit with those.
About the third and last day of no Minecraft I looked at another game I had tried downloading a few times but got discouraged given the size of the download file (1.25 GB!): "Genesis AD". I thought it was simply a variation of Halo and to a degree it is. But there's a big difference from what I've seen. The game is entirely based on PvP and from there you achieve rewards for completing missions - say, from playing on a certain field of getting a set number of kills at once. It's a first person shooter and once I got the hang of it, I found it quite nice. The main problem is that I'm so twitchy that once I start shooting, I can't keep my aim straight. Plus I have no concept of strafing while firing, and there are very few places for sniping, which is my best ability.
Now, I'm back in the whole Minecraft thing, back to the old routine. Hopefully it won't start consuming all my time again but we've seen how that turns out!
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